bas yun hi

Intellectually yours

2011-06-18T13:37:00.000-07:00

I met an old friend yesterday, well not literally, but old in the sense of seasoned, used-to, comfortable-in-their-own-skin-and-with-you kinda way.

The most amazing things about the people in your life is that they can dissect you in a way you never imagined possible. And old friends are not only qualified enough to do it but also firm enough to drive the lesson home with the reassuring "main hoon na" always wrapping up any doubts you may have and dunking them right outta the window!

Old friends are nice and warm and fuzzy and just there, all you have to do is turn around and there, right at the edge of where your vision blurs, there is a familiar face and the world feels alright again. :-)

Among the many issues jostling for attention in my 1.5 kg head right now (don’t think it weighs more than that), top of the list is the search for a partner (rem Ted Mosby, well Indianise and genderize the context for Urban India!). Among the varied observations and nuggets of advice alongwith threats of "you can’t go ahead if I don’t approve" (blackmailing devils some of them!), yesterday's session on insights was one of the most brutal ever - seriously man, is it really intellect all the way for me?

Now I am seriously worried. I mean old friends are seldom wrong. And in this case in particular, somewhere I know for a fact, the observation holds, atleast as a first point of interest...

But knowledge is power - so knowing something is wrong/won't work is better than trying to reach someone on their landline when you are pretty sure they aren't home and its a mobile number you actually need.

I love old friends, I really do. Even if I don’t say so often enough! :-)

Bad at being sad

2011-06-08T09:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I bug me. No its true, I really do. I can be the most irritating person I know of. I mean any normal person, if they are unwell would accept it gracefully and rest. But madam? Nooooooo ::horrified expression:: what do you mean accept it? ::Thundering booming voice:: How can that be?! It is questioned, counter-questioned, debated till it gets so exhausting to argue with oneself that she drops, thankfully on the bed, a reluctant acknowledgment that well she may be ill, just a little bit. And doctors, don't even mention them - that would mean retractions and "I've been misunderstood"s so many that any true-blue Bollywood actress would happily sign up for classes on how to deny the obvious!

I suck at being ill. And since being ill is sometimes bundled with being sad, I suck at that too! So while the whole world may be falling apart, there I am grinning away like the fairy Godmother just granted me passes to go on a date with Ali Zafar!!

Sometimes I really do feel like boxing my own ears. I am, honestly the only time I am scraping the bottom of the moping club is when its birthday time. Oh yes, those seriously get me down, esp post-25. But this that too dint last! Sheesh!!

I give up! On trying to "grow up" and "face reality", whatever that may be. If I don't take kindly to being ill, then so be it. As long as people around me know how to deal with "cribby", life's a breeze, maybe a gale is more like it but whatever. I'll live!;D

Maggi Mania!

2011-05-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

I loveeeeeeeeeeeee maggi, I absolutely adore it. Its funny shapes, great taste and completely engrossing all by itself - in short, its magic food! "Worth the calories", as I would say in the ultimate certification of a food's worth.

Combine this with the fact that its easily cooked in a microwave - which I believe is one of humanity's greatest inventions (well next to the safety pin and oh well, the wheel if you insist!) and you have the perfect recipe for a never-ending party!! Its like the RBI Guv went on a holiday and the mint went on a printing spree! Inflation, though is another story altogether and something we'll deal with later!;D

Amen to all the grocery stores that stock maggi for mid-morning/afternoon/evening/night snacking options and thank goodness for new age office cafeterias and homes that make those breaks possible.

And no Nestle isn't paying me to say this!:P

Rush rush rush

2011-05-05T11:15:00.000-07:00

I am runnin runnin, I m runnin runnin.

Coz I am a girl in a hurry and I ain't got time dude!

we read so much about slowing down, smelling the flowers, taking time out....But in this day and age can we really afford to?

I thought and thought about it. A lot. Then I decided to do it. Just like that. Bam!

Well, was it worth it?

I don't know.

Isn't it crazy that I am always asking these questions but never really know the answers. Well, I am not God and so yes, its okay to not know! :D

But to earth! Yes, taking a break makes sense. At one level it is literally about not smelling the flowers often enough, recharging your batteries, figuring out your priorities. At another, it really teaches you the opportunity cost and what I would like to term the "opportunity worth" of all that you have in life.

What's important to know however is the fact that life isn't about waiting for your turn or getting to a meeting or even taking a long deep breath, however calming and energising that may be. It is about what happens when you weren't looking, what happens when you were waiting for "the one" but instead found another "not-so" perfect one, what happens when you are running between two meetings. Life isn't about thinking what to do. Life just is. You can't control it. At a lot of levels you can't even choose - your relatives, colleagues, your place of birth (I simply adore Epstein's poem!), but you can just go along. If it slows down, slow down, if its rushing you, don't kill yourself "feeling" rushed, just go with it.

In all the insights I've ever had about life, this one is the most powerful. And scary. And fatalistic. But strangely energising. Life just happens, or something like it. Taking time out isn't gonna change it, its part of it and neither will running kill you (unless you decide to shoot off in stilettos on the highway hurling yourself in a truck's way!). Its okay to rush, rush is good. After all, we only got till 2012 to live man so make the most of it! It could be pretty good fun you know!;D

Go Go Go!

Loopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2011-05-03T10:28:00.000-07:00

Some days are just crazy. Downright weird mean horridly crazy.

All the unresolved questions, unanswered phone calls, random strangers get entangled in a huge big mass and scream out for attention like a roomful of hungry babies!

Its a bit much.

Some days are overwhelming.

All the repressed anger, hurt, disappointment, bitterness just surfaces and tugs and pulls at your sanity like a huge rock dragging a corpse to the bottom of the ocean.

Some days are, well just more than 24 hours!

But somewhere at the end of the day is a beautiful sunset - ah, sometimes maybe it is the sunset that the crazy day wanted us to loop right back to :-)

Seen Chalo Dilli? Highly recommend it for that "Eureka" perspective - there is so much that can go wrong and doesn't. Maybe, on some days, its just enough to get through - some day, I'll let go of wanting to be a super-star everyday and some day, a pattern will emerge out of the randomness...Till then, I'll just be happy living my life on my own terms!

Meow!;D

P.S. No I don't love u, I wrote this for me!:P

P.P.S. Am back to using this blog too! hehehe

The one year itch

2009-12-29T10:13:00.000-08:00

Facebook is addictive! No it really is! I have been on chutti the past four days and have been religiously following birthday greetings, new year party plans, vacations in Goa....

Somewhere though, in all those status updates and holiday plans, I lost me...

Writing - that is what had started it all for me. This need to be online, to be socially networked, to be wired in, to be. Its sad but true - in the past few months there has been precious little to write about - between rushed breakfasts, one-minute phone calls and some crazy friendship/singleship/relativeship/workship dynamics this is the one thing that I found easiest to ignore.

You know, there is that streak in all of us - ummm, selfishness? well, this is mine rearing its head to say that maybe I need a break..Sorry facebook, orkut - u guys know its not about you..

This is about me. About an experiment. The "One Year Itch" - a one-year project - my new social experiment. I will not be active on facebook for a full one year - starting today, the 29th (or is is 30th? - what the heck!) of Dec. I will not post any update or add to any discussion, I will not like (:-(), comment, or tag. I will not beat your score or feed my animals. Don't get me wrong, I am not deactivating my account - I am just taking time-out to see if in today's day and age relationships/friendships can still mean the same without fb/orkut. Basically, In that sense I will be a social recluse. But (here it is, the best disclaimer of all!), only if you know me/interact with me here, in the virtual world. I needed a goal and this is what I zeroed in on - just call it my quest for self-realization, my need to pamper my mad streak, my need to do something random!

Its tough. It really is - dunno How I'll do without my daily dose of facebook. Dunno, how I will desist from logging in, just checking on whats happening with whom, on clicking on "like" when a friend posts an interesting quote/pic/thought or the new "dislike"? Gosh, its gonna be really really tough.

Ouch!

Guys, Maybe I have lost it. But what is losing? it is ultimately giving up something that which somebody else gains (I told you I have lost it!)!

Though not sure how I'll be able to stay away, for now I'll stick to saying - "we are on a break"!;-)) But I will be back! Same time next year - as of now I freeze my time capsule!:D:D

P.S. I will be shifting my blog to http://the-one-year-itch.blogspot.com/- you can be a part of my my new social experiment and real-life escapades there!:D:D

Circle of trust

2009-09-28T08:02:00.001-07:00

Oft in life, we come across people and faces that change us. Interactions that alter our core being, conversations that change our fundamental outlook, situations that change our sense of being and perspective...

People - they define us, or more specifically help us define ourselves. Who are we? what do we want? The when, where, what of our very existence is defined by interactions with others. In a broader sense, we relate to ourselves as relative to others - I am better than him, she is my ideal, he is perfect! and so on.. In case, it is not mortals that we seek to benchmark ourselves to, we create "Gods" or visions of perfection that we aspire to replicate in our thoughts, actions and words. In all of these cases, we are necessarily defining ourselves "relative" to others. Maybe that's why they call those related to us by bloodlines "relatives", the sense of benchmarking or "competition" is supposed to highest among those most like us??

Sorry, slightly off-tangent but couldn't resist the pun!;D

On a more serious note, lets get cracking on how we define ourselves!

All forms of social, emotional and human bonding are then an exercise in self-realization! So end of the day, we are all self-obsessed, unfulfilled, selfish souls seeking to find our anchor by our circle of trust! Ouch!! There goes the theory of man being a social animal down the drain! But wait, not necessarily coz here we are just trying to understand why man is a social animal, in fact we are just taking the theory to the next level! Phew!! Bach gayi!!:D

A related issue - Man is a social animal. That is a fundamental premise. However, why then do we have murderers, rapists, terrorists, basically "anti-social" elements also present as a part of the social fabric? Again, I would term these are social interactions; they may be anti-social to the extent that they harm one or more individuals but then the word "social" does not necessarily imply pleasant. I mean, just going by the word, a social interaction is an engagement between any two entities. It may or may not be legitimate, pleasant, or morally acceptable but the word per se doesn't lend any qualitative characteristics to the interaction. The form and nature of the interaction is an outcome of social, cultural, inter-personal phenomena guiding the two entities.

My take on the whole situation- we define ourselves by choosing whom we keep close to ourselves. The people we surround ourselves with, the company we associate with, the social interactions we choose to be a part of, even the organization we work with, essentially our "circle of trust" - the ones we open up to, lay bare our vulnerabilities, doubts, dilemmas, share our successes with, define our aspirations with, our closest friends and even our enemies (circle of distrust in this case!) (Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?)

Note that our core circle of trust may not be the most evident people in our lives - the friends we hang around with or the partner we live with. It may include some one as obscure as the poet whose work inspires us, the seer we look up to or the person on the plane we befriended an hour ago. It may or may not be evident to those who observe us, but inside us we know. These are the people we align with, seek as our natural allies, partners. As disaggegated individuals, these are the structures or the norms that bind us, unwind us. This, our circle of trust, is what defines our core being.

Jai Deva

2009-08-25T09:28:00.000-07:00

Jai Deva - two simple words, a very powerful mantra.. What is about faith that inspires millions, no billions, err trillions?? (soon my friend, at last count world population was estimated at 6,779,912,670 as on 25th Aug '09 by the US census bureau!)

What is it about Bhakti that moves each of us - whether religious fervents or atheists to sometime in life, in deep despair, or in extreme happiness to call out "oh God"? What is it about Karma and Dharma that makes us just believe? emboldens the "sunshine people" (the eternal, undying, almost as if on dope kinda optimists!) to always grin? and the wannabe martyrdom craving cynics, a reason to live and scream out "Bhagwan hai, sab dekh raha hai"!!

What is about faith that brings so many people, from so many different walks of life, together? Swine flu or not, Ganapati Bappa Morya, in God we trust unconditionally!

Omnipotent, Omniscient - the magic of belief seems to rival even the popularity of its creator - it seems to be everywhere, have an answer for all of ones woes; worldly or even otherwise, reduce insurmountable odds to ashes, and medical uncertainties to medical marvels! Belief, it seems makes the world go round. And belief it seems, sets in motion a whole chain of well, another round of belief!

Don't get me wrong, am not on a religion-glorifying mission here. Am just trying to capture the phenomenon that can suddenly make the world seem a nicer place, the flowers seem brighter, and return a lost smile...Its magical isn't it - this feeling that there is some entity up there, out there, rooting for you, ready to catch you if you fall, ready to challenge you if you don't do so yourself, ready to push you, guide you and even hold your hand if you stumble.

This one is not about God or religion, or ideology or purpose or fervour or fanaticism. This one is not even about Gaia, or the Superconscious or sending a message to the universe. This one is simply about letting go. Not just letting go of set notions, of the good, bad, ugly, not just asking for redemption or admitting to the wrongs one has done but letting go of all the bad the world may have subjected one to. This one is simply about believing, in oneself, in hope, in the future - if that involves faith and God and destiny and luck, so be it! At least one believes in the existence of a future worth living in, waiting for, aspiring towards...

Maybe we are delusional, but if one goes by the philosophy underlying phenomenal film, The Matrix, the world as we see it, is delusional! The point is, you can choose to just believe! Coz truth too, just like faith, is not absolute!

Nothing is good or bad, thinking makes it so. Nothing is or can be, belief, however, makes it seem so!;-)

Moving on = Turning Back?

2009-08-16T10:16:00.000-07:00

Unsaid, unwritten, some chapters in life have a way of closing themselves, incomplete. We aren't sure if we are done yet, but move on thinking what's done is done and can't be undone. Years, months, weeks later, we suddenly remember. A blast from the past, a ghost returns to haunt us, taunt us. And suddenly, the present becomes a hazy mist as our feet take us back to where it all started from, where the tale lies untold and the embers continue to unfold...

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, life has a way of going round and round before coming full circle. Suddenly we find the past staring us in the face, seeking answers to questions we may have run away from...

Its magical isn't it? This ability of life to hold us accountable, the conviction with which it expects us to remember and the means with which it makes us aware. Just because something is over, doesn't mean its done with. Maybe you forgot the appendix to that chapter, or maybe you forgot to run your spellcheck, but in the word processor of life, we sometimes do get to review - to change, undo, or simply relive and cherish what we left behind:-)

Past-present, time-space, these are strongly inter-related concepts even though one is defined by philosophy and theology while the other is posited by Physics. Ever heard of Deja vu? The dictionary defines it as the feeling of already having seen the present. How do you rationalize it? How do you logify it? If not for the circle, how did we run into a situation that has already happened? Well, this is getting even more complicated and all I wanted to do was a simple entry before hitting the sack!

Ok lets get cracking. Lets start with a basic assumption and definition - the social sciences in my universe are also "sciences"; and within social sciences I choose to include Theology and occult, subjects which I don't know much about but believe that a lack of knowledge doesn't give me the authority to label these as unsceintific.

So lets start with the simplest possible case study - you, your present. Your current station in life is a direct/indirect outcome of a number of factors - your education, your occupation, the people in your life, etc. In most part however, your past, what you did in the last few years, in the years before that, yesterday, today morning, define who you are today, right now. Talking rhetorically, therefore, the past presents cues, answers, solutions, definitions to questions, issues, debates, events that may be making/marring/defining your present. and to the extent that you need the present to link up with a valid/solid/pleasant/wanted future, sometimes you may need to turn back, reflect, re-assess, address and resolve your past to define your future and move on from your present.

Turning back, then, may not be a step back; maybe its just a rain-check, a rewind button that you hit to ensure a seamless recording for what lies ahead.

You know its a very powerful feeling, to know that you may have messed up but its possible to fix it. Maybe, sometimes all you need to do is face it. Maybe, all it needs is a simple "sorry" or a "thank you". Maybe you moved too fast, and all you need to do is turn around. Or maybe it was the perfect ending to the chapter, but that doesn't mean you can't write another one! Afterall, perfection is what you define it to be, come on just humour me and take it to another level this time around - you never know what you may end up creating. I mean, at one point of time they thought DOS was perfect, but that didnot stop Microsoft from redefining what a user-friendly OS could be like - aka Windows! Ok, am not a sure fan but MS certainly re-defined the boundary of operating systems when it came to user-friendliness!

This one is about second chances. About home-coming, about lessons learnt from the past to make the future worth living. This one is about the circle called life..Of course, some may prefer to call it the "circus" of life, but we'll leave that one for another day!;-)

Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!;-)

Things to do

2009-07-05T10:50:00.000-07:00

1> Maid's holiday - find an alternative!

2> Spa appointment

3> Groceries!

4> Pack for the trip

5> Tomorrow's big meeting - get the primer done

6> Collect dry cleaning

Ever feel like you are running to be in the same place?

That the theory of relativity defines your life - you are aging even though you are just an observer; you are free-falling just coz you aren't doing anything!

That the rain just reminds you of how horrid the traffic is going to be..

That you "visit" family; the flower shop; your fave restaurant...

That it's all going so fast that the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror was just to wear make-up...

Somehow, between all those meetings, office trips, emails and salary checks, your best friend had her heart broken and you never came to know....or you yours but never got around to talking about it...

Your secy is your new best friend, your boss is your God and work your religion...

Somehow, your to do list is never-ending and some crisis or the other keeps pushing you on and on...

Your perception of reality is "I my me", you broke up with a guy coz he earned less than you and all that you can focus on away from work is well, work!

Admit it, life isn't exactly where you thought it would be but it is. You live in a dream, but you aren't sure if its yours...

You know, you don't have to compromise - just coz it seems like the only option does not mean it is! Just coz it seems like the "ideal" life, "ideal" guy, "ideal" whatever, does not mean that you stop dreaming, aspiring, walking on.

A lot of times in life, maybe everyday for some of us, we wonder. Then we wonder, what's to wonder, what's wrong with me, he seems perfect, its really good money, I am not qualified for anything else, and we reconcile and re-believe that our life is perfect. But for how long?

Ever feel like you are running to be in the same place?

Don't run so fast that you get your ankle twisted, or worse your foot fractured.

Gosh, you are only so many years old, you do have the luxury of time on your hands. what once you reach the top? Just coz you are so used to running, you are gonna topple right off - maybe pulled down by exactly one of those super-driven sorts who eerily reminds you of the way you were.

I mean seriously, was this even your dream, passion, true calling to begin with?

Are you truly, honestly, happy, contented?

Do you have a good night's sleep once you hit the bed or you just go from one alarm to the other - one to remind you its bedtime and the other to wake you up!

Do you call your wife/husband/proxy just to hear their voice? Or are they there in your life just like one of those props you picked up in an awards function?

Stop! Stop dragging yourself, lugging yourself around like a dead man walking coz that's exactly what the rest of the world is doing.

I believe, each one of us has a choice, we can be the masters of who we want to be. If it isn't making you happy, its not what are meant to be doing. It it feels like a burden, then maybe, it is.

Reality is what you make it to be. You may be happy to be led, governed by circumstances or you'd prefer to be the one dictating terms. That is a call you have to take. But just coz it seems right and fits the template, doesn't mean that is. Maybe, just maybe, it can be different - not necessarily better or worse but different.

Life is gift - or a curse. For most of us, it ends up becoming the latter and we end up compromising just to be one of the Joneses...

Believe - you have a choice, it may not be shining bright enough to catch you eye just yet but its out there, like an uncut diamond. You don't have to make you with whatever comes your way - that's not to say that you should just be a "stuck up 'no no'" person, but that whatever your current lot in life, you can still aspire. You can go grab the stars, even its just the one on top of the Christmas tree, its a start nevertheless.

Dream! Its important to not stop dreaming. A brave man once said, "never judge a man by what he has made of his life, but he wants to make of it hereon!" I call him brave coz its very difficult to overlook the present and where people can be in life but so what! This is about you, not about them!!

It may seem difficult, childish, but then weren't you happy as a child - when the sky was the limit to your aspirations and even without being able to spell it, you wanted to be an astrophysicist!

Write it down - you once wanted to be a novelist, remember? what happened to that? Or you really really wanted to date this girl, but never got around to asking her out? Do it, turn back if you can, she may just be waiting for you, or she may not but atleast you tried! Maintain a "thought" diary where you can be as random as you want, where you can be honest with yourself, where you can be you..

You know just coz it came your way, doesn't mean you have to be stuck with the first choice. You can choose to wait it out, or keep striving for your dreams, even if you didn't. If they are defined by materialism, so be it. But be sure to choose your life over your lifestyle!

Afterall, there are no rights or wrongs in life, its a journey. So pace it out or burn it out; as you wish, just be aware that you are choosing to do so. And in any case, "in the long run, we are all dead", so no-one's gonna remember you or your mistakes or your successes or your net worth for too long, but you got one shot at life and maybe just maybe, they'll remember your dreams, your passion, your words - now that's something ain't it!;-)

If this makes you feel light-hearted, then maybe its already the start of something magical, if not; lighten up, you, my friend are fore-armed!;-)

Adios amigo!:D

The Quarter-Life Crisis

2009-04-07T22:59:00.000-07:00

This is from a popular forward warranting a lot of nods in "my gen"!;-)

-Bhavana

"BEING IN TWENTIES - SOMETHING... :)

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends.... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis""

Technically...

2009-04-07T11:16:00.000-07:00

Technically- i jst love dis word! Add it as a disclaimer to any situation "technically i dint say that/ mean that/ write that"- and u cud "technically" get away wid murder!!

U knw some words, they hav a way of becoming more than they seem capable of..another case in point, take generally! I mean "generally hez a nice guy"- v.subtly thr u point-blank negated all the bad stuff hez potentially capable of!! Or ""generally" i dont feel like it"- the word magically encompasses a multitude of possible reasons rt frm stomach ache to moodiness to an alien attack!! Without actually subjecting the othr party of the deep morass of conflicting emotions tht r possibly playing kabaddi in ur head! Wow!! Generally, its such a clean, non-commital, antiseptic, emotionally void word tht "technically" really bothers me but sumhw is essential 2 our vocab! Ouch!!

Actually, maybe wht really bothers me is the comfort-zone tht this word offers, the neat way in which one can get away frm nt answering the "why" tht may othrwise follow..

Then r v all running away? Frm sumthg, questions, commitment? To ppl, ideas, plans?

Maybe..

Thr goes, here's anothr one of those! Maybe maybe nt, but "someday" i m gonna list all these generics down!!

::cudnt resist the last one;-)::

Sugar and Spice

2009-04-04T06:42:00.000-07:00

Food! Ah, the best friend we turn to for comfort, the companion which indulges us, the element tht's a great pick-me-up, the perfect conversation starter that leads us 2 form new relationships or even mend old ones, test our limits, get in touch wid d baser instincts within, the exoticity of which forces us 2 get out of comfort zones and explore alternative realities(cuisinewise and maybe who knws, even otherwise!!) ..Food- the perfect friend, matchmaker, stressbuster, teacher.. Food- life's kinda incomplete widout the experiences it enriches us wid, dnt u think?!:D sigh,

A diehard foodie:D

The Ghajini effect

2009-03-29T02:53:00.000-07:00

"Oh I forgot!" - How often do we hear this? or the supposedly more honest version, "I was busy and therefore..." Obviously, this is followed by a "hope that's ok" or a genuine "I am sorry", but are u feeling ok or even forgiving? In most cases, we let it slide.."No stress"/"Its ok"/"chill"/"whatever" are some of our standard responses. After all, we do want to be seen as accepting/accommodating/understanding. But deep inside, its either guilt (I also do this sometimes) or deep hurt that are actually behind that smile. No yaar, its not ok! I don't want you to forget to call/message/write/email/feel/breathe...

Ultimately, we need to accept to ourselves that we are not okay with being used, with being "cool", with being forgotten..even if its really/truly/sincerely so...Our egos just cant accept it and maybe we should stop pretending that they can!!

Its okay to be hurt, to be in pain, to cry, to grieve, to react or even retaliate - its part of being human...Face it, however cold, materialistic, machinistic we may think we are, just that thought proves that we are living, breathing, feeling beings!

Robbie Williams wants to feel the living, Savage garden wants to live like animals, and I just want to be aware!:-) and maybe even prod u to explore the "Emotional Quotient" within!;D

Tuning in

2009-03-24T07:12:00.000-07:00

chup chup ke, chup chup ke somewhr in the deep receses of thoughts, cynicism, disillusionment and disbelief, all we want is a sign. All we want 2 do is believe- sum1 cares, koi sun raha hai, i matter, dammit i count! Do u? Dont knw, but isnt the fact tht u r rt here, rt nw, in this day and age enuf proof tht u do count..sumwhr, sumhw, in sum cosmic equation, u cud be the catalyst tht tho passive, yet makes it possible! So wht if u dont knw it yet! Sumtimes, maybe v need 2 let go, and take tht leap of faith in2 nt knwing, yet believing..and if u do knw wht u want then all the more reason 4 u 2 believe thts its possible..jst believe- in d goodness of others, in the innocence of childhood, in the power of goodwill, in urself..Send the msg 2 the universe tht u believe and watch the magic unfold;-)

Des Mere Des Mere...

2009-03-11T04:57:00.000-07:00

Patriotic - who makes one? Let me rephrase - what makes a patriot? Is it rallying and sloganeering? Is it boisterous chest thumping? or is it a loud "Happy Independence day" (maybe even a message/email - we are a v.tech savvy nation u know!)? no wait, maybe its wearing the colours of the flag? or maybe, just maybe its standing up when the national anthem is being played...or saluting a brave jawan? or respecting a Shahid..

Mostly, most of the most obvious loud demonstrations of patriotism seem to be just that - demonstrations. They are not some-how the real thing; getting lost on the way to showing what it should be like, maybe we forget what it really is to be one...Pop-patriotism is the order of the day when you play holi with saffron gulal, wear khadi in international fora and chastise your kids for getting their hindi wrong - afterall its our matrabhasha bhai!

No offense to our collective sensibilities, it is definitely always a good idea to declare your patriotism, but should we not, as thinking people, take the definition beyond mere actions? It is not a way of life? to accept your shortcomings as a nation, to be aware but yet to believe..We know we lack, but we know we shall overcome...

Dharma, karma - these are not mere words. They indicate a way of life - a life of valuing, preserving and cherishing what you have..

Who defines a patriot? Maybe, purchasing the Mahatma's possessions is an act of patriotism - its not about speaking the "right" words, wearing the "right" attire, or living the "right" lifestyle - its about thinking the right thing!!

Maybe, even though its not made by an "Indian", "Slumdog" is a patriotic film - it may not be the best you have seen but its about victory and underdogs, a theme Indianness well identifies with..

Patriotism - I leave it to you to define, somehow I can't!

Randomizing!

2009-03-08T07:12:00.000-07:00

What is freedom?

The world - "its disintegrating!" they said, "mine's falling apart", he said, "Who cares" - she said!

In a strange, twisted, illogical, inhuman way - she's right. Slowly, gradually, consciously or subconsciously we all tend to play victim...Why did he say that, who does she think she is, the government needs to do something, this is all the US's fault, those bloody xyz (sorority club/ nationality/ gender/ occupation - fill in the blanks as u wish!!), and the list goes on...

She did this to me, moved away, froze me off, seduced me?, confused me...

Hez such a jerk, went away, commitment-phobic, just interested in f*ing me.....

That economy, I don't know how it works, all consumerism - the model is unsustainable.. The financiers, bankers - all selfish pigs...The president, hez such a moron!

Well all of that may be true, but does that change anything, does it really matter? What is important is only, truly, just you..Does knowing that help? maybe, maybe not...however, it may just put things in perspective...your whole life, your every living breath, your every thought, your every action, every word - does not just have to be about him/her/them/this/that...It can be individualistic, it can be independent, it can be weird, it can be unconventional, it can be quite untrue, it can be borrowed, it can be out of context, it can not-be-enough - but it can count and it does deserve its place as a possibility!

You need others - that's true, after all no man or woman is an island but you are you - that matters, a lot...you can choose to be his or herz, to lead or be lead, to be free or to find freedom in belonging, to be in chaos or to forever be sure - but whatever it is, ultimately it is a choice...even not choosing, even ignorance, even taking someone for granted or not - that is a choice..

A few years ago she came to me in a dream and said -

all the world's out there, and you slumber on..

there is fire and ice,

magic and white mice,

well I am happy with my number,

don't want any hocus pocus,

any hanky panky with some lying pansy! I drone on..

Live if you must,

but aleast know what's beyond the crust..

don't develop a comfort zone;

my dear, learn to move on..

In my humdrum existence,

she gifted me with disturbance..

In the summer sunshine,

she lent me winter hues!

I dont know if that is good or bad,

after all its not easy being a pre-grad!

A crazy litany, this one,

still manages to make me glum!:-(

but a victim I choose not to be

atleast I am not yet numb, even though the world remains glum!

Kudos to the global financial crisis, it has managed to take the joy out of wearing my "Isis"!!! Though cured me it has of my February blues, I hope march looks to April for its cues!!

just some crazy randomizing - actually, I was just trying to screw your brain up and get u out of the deep deep morass of constant whimsical wallow!!!:P

Mush and hush

2009-02-06T11:29:00.000-08:00

This is a story of a boy and a girl. A mad, deranged, self-obsessed, maniacal yet puny guy - no prizes for guessing whom! and a simple (?), pretty and dumb (?) girl! Ahem!! Tht's just the beginning...Read on, therez more to it!

The facts - One day there is a divine prophecy, and the Army (aka God - maybe!) decreed that this man be king. And so it was.

He was just, he was fair, he never did glare, but seemed to care. He was wise (@@!), not very nice, greedy maybe, friendly shadily! He betrayed, ensnared and played, on his neighboring kingdoms he did "I shall cheat you" action replays!

Yet he was sound, well-ground, of fit mind and generally mild.

One day, the voices arose - this moderation just needs to go.

The king was banished, the kingdom famished, people did not care, after all in a democracy all was fair!

Off with his titles, his wit, his entitles; off with the friendships he had pretended to bolster, off with him - the white king said and banished off, the sad king left...

Democracy won, the kingdom was restored - the mask of Zorro was rightfully adorned.

The new king is good, the new king is fine, of one and all, he just seemed to shine.

The white duchess came, she caught his fancy

the idiotic buffoon made himself a pansy!

Her hand he would not let go;

isn't it sad for a President show?

Suddenly boom and bang

the friendly(?) neighbor scrammed

bombs and cannons all chuddling out..

the new king is bad, he is a cad

does he know how to handle a gun totting lad?

We seek answers, we seek explanations

isn't too much of words a mere regression?

We are fair,

we don't want war

but we do want a neighbor

whoz not parry to all!

the mad men are loose

the guns are loaded

and we continue

to rend ourselves deluded..

Isn't it sad

a country so wise

ancient and learned

beautiful and nice

friendly warm

quintessential sentimental

puts up with a neighbor,

a known aggressor...

even as the leader makes a mockery of national stature!

humanity shall prevail

even tho justice is derailed

India's 26/11 meanwhile

lies as yet unassailed...

Bombay blues!!

2009-01-12T06:56:00.000-08:00

Househunting..

related tho different perspective - rentals!!

Traffic

rush rush rush..

madness!!

over-crowded buses;trains yada yada yada

Closed coteries

No dilli da dil!

but I love this city!:D

Ctrl + Alt + Del

2008-12-27T03:38:00.000-08:00

This entry is dedicated to passwords - passwords forgotten, lost, confused and locked!!Passwords galore - most essential but all different, alphanumeric and "complicated" concoctions! Uff!!

One of the ironies of this "independent" age is extreme, overt and essential dependence on passwords! We are living in paranoialand and suffering from paronoidism - all in the name of privacy, freedom, and security even if it means going overboard! You need a password for your PC, your SIM card, your bank account, your email, any and everything except ya maybe people! But then again, we have those certain magic words that "unlock" smiles, tensions, problems and worries viz., "sorry", "please", "hi" and even ":-)";-))Just as new age man-machine interdependence teaches you patience when battling with locked accounts , and hones your memory skills when struggling with multiple logins!

Here's to passwords or if I may rephrase, "simsim words" - they are definitely "key" to unknown lands, messages and conversations!:-)

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life!

2008-12-20T05:27:00.000-08:00

That's my fortune for the day in orkut!

I don't know who pens these down or creates the randomizer that displays them but somehow these messages have a way of reaching the core of my being and pulling out a

"is really this true" or even "how did they know!"!!

Most times, we tend to ignore, un-hear, un-read all things to do with fate or destiny. Afterall, its best to leave it to the big boss sitting up there;-) Janke kya mil jayega..

But once in a while, in a very rare while, there is is niggling, irritating, and recurring feeling that something is amiss and we seek answers. We lap up anything, any insight, any perspective, any gyan, any advice, any opportunity that comes our way. We feel scared, vulnerable and unable to think for ourselves - we just want to be told...

Is it a reality check we seek, is it genuine respect for the other person's opinion or is it a deep fear inside somewhere that we may not, do not always know the answers..

Its called being human!:-)

Today, this message gave me the "aha" moment I had been seeking - end of the day, our time here is limited. And that is the biggest perspective of all. Nothing you do is permanent, no good or bad is permanent. It shall all pass, it shall all be, it is never too late and it may be limited but it is yet not over!

End note - "Today I went for a walk in the forest, the deep dark dense foilage interuppted only by the quiet mumble of a stream flowing nearby and the hesitant hello of a bird somewhere. Maybe a hi wont hurt, maybe a smile will make the frog's day and maybe a little bit of humaneness is all that the world seeks from us..." - Just the 1st few lines I penned for a WIP piece of "perspective":-)

Where the mind is without fear

2008-12-03T21:15:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, 3rd December 2008, marked a watershed in my understanding of India's history as a free nation. After a long time, the country felt, breathed and spoke free - this was the biggest mass mobilization of citizens across the country. India was free and yesterday was a reminder that it still is!

5:40 - I left office, heading towards the Gateway of India. This drive is not more than 30-40 mins on an average day.

6:00 - Mumbai traffic saw my enthusiasm fizzling out...phat..

6:30 - Still going strong; the traffic that is! However, having crossed the marine drive, I felt strangely energized...People were walking...In groups, in such large numbers, all headed in one direction - my direction!

6:40 - giving propriety a miss, I happily hopped out of the cab and started walking. And I was not alone:-)

7:00 - Reached regal, the road to gateway was crowded and further down barricaded by the police for safety reasons..It is exactly at this point that I realised something - cellphones were not working!!!!

Imagine a whole mass of people, imagine college, school and office-goers all united, all walking, sloganeering and demonstrating...Imagine the "my cell-phone is my life" generation stranded and stuck with failed calls, undelivered messages and imagine NO PANIC!! That sums it up...It was big, it was crowded, it was diverse, it was anger but it was peaceful...

That is the spirit of Mumbai..Infact, after I got back home and saw visuals of citizens across the country taking collective action voluntarily - I realized that is the spirit of India. WE STAND TOGETHER, even if we don't do it everyday and at every instance. Yesterday, I felt alive, uplifted and humbled...

End note - quoting one of my fave poets...

Where The Mind is Without Fear

WHERE the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

-Rabindranath Tagore

Anger, anguish and alarm - a wednesday comes true...

2008-11-28T04:08:00.000-08:00

Terror - the latest breaking news..For the uninitiated, India had its own version of the 9/11, the 11/26 - a black, grey, blue whatever you wanna call it Wednesday..

Hostages, gunshots, firing, bombings, fear, anguish, despair, frantic phone-calls, empty streets - the works!! Among others, they targeted the poshest area in India - South Mumbai; the best luxury hotel - the Taj and the most happening of hangouts - Colaba Causeway. why?????? Why did we let them???? How could they????? The freaks, the filthy, vile, disgusting, cold-blooded, (actually make that bloodless!), inhuman creeps!!!!! We will run out of expletives but they will not cease to exist. Unfortunately, this is the real world and unfortunately we cannot wish them away. However, inhuman we think them to be, they are out there. Somewhere. Waiting to pounce, to enter our homes, ransack our heritage and mock our ethos. They come, without any demands, any logic, with a single-minded agenda - to terrorize! Do they not think? No. Do they not feel? Ha! Do they not care? I cant say - they seem to care about killing the right sorts - at least this time around they seemed to have a clear agenda of killing non-muslim foreigners.

Yet we persist, the "spirit" of Mumbai rebounds. Life is back, trains are crowded, people are scared - that's OK; they still go to work...The sad irony is that despite its rich culture, heritage and cosmopolitan culture, Mumbai is increasingly becoming a city where people just exist. "We come to work, not to live". "Mumbai is a great city to work in". "Mumbai is fantastic, it has all the top offices". But do you just want to exist? Do you just want to accept? Is it only work that defines who u are? Do you just want to be????

These are extraordinary times in world history; the common man can no longer get away with remaining common - he has to become, do and be "uncommon". Be aware, notice and raise your voice - how could 10 men load that kind of ammunition without not being noticed at all????

Scream - it helps and its good for your system!

Stop isolating yourself - man is a social animal, he is meant to be heard and to connect. Reach out to friends, family whenever possible. Not only will it fill your insides with a warm glow but will keep you updated on the goings on. How many people ventured out on Thursday unaware of the city situation. Its sad..

WAKE UP!!!!!!

Feel

Live

Breathe, and most importantly

REACT - don't take any shit lying down. Please become human beings Mumbai, not Zombies....Remember the movie, 'A Wednesday' - isn't it ironical that this happened on a Wednesday? isn't it ironical that we had another black Wednesday a few years ago? But beyond the self-evident terror link of things happening on Wednesdays, think...They think they can do this because they are not scared of unseen eyes, lots of them....its time to freak out the bloody freaks!!! Lets not be resilient for once, I m tired of this bravado. This time, lets make it count. This time, I choose to be me - I will connect, I will call, and I will inform. I choose to be prepared, be alert and be safe. I choose - to be human...Your call, u decide...

Baptism by Fire....

2008-11-08T06:24:00.000-08:00

A tryst with Mumbai life - hands on!

OK here's an update - I still count myself as new to Mumbai! Now please don't give me the "i knew u were always a Dilliwali at heart" kind of look but here's y i think so - though I did move out of Delhi early last year and became a part of this hustling bustling city, I had so far led a v.sheltered life. To the extent that travelling extensively was not a necessity but a matter of choice, after a good 19 months in the city I feel strangely like-a-stranger. I daresay I was probably never a part of the true spirit of Mumbai - its lifeline, the locals!So far, so true..A flash of lightening, the earth shakes (with all the construction work currently being initiated, or WIP this cud very well b true!) and the city decides to adopt me, full on! Come November '09, post-Diwali-well-fed dilli-di-kudi has to seriously contemplate and be party to peak office-goers train travelling! Only one thing, trust me its nothing close to a 'party'!! But economics warrants it, kya karein...That's y I like this subject so much - I mean how many physicists,chemists,engineers, CAs, or even doctors can honestly say "because 'respective subject name' warrants it";P But as an Economist, there's lots out there that can be spoken of in my lingo - in fact I honestly believe, eco is actually the subject of life in disguise!! But that's a digression that train-travelling has left me too exhausted to get into!!!!!!!

updates 2 follow...

yours getting-used-to-it,

Hello to The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night Time!

2008-10-18T09:03:00.000-07:00

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai

Ki aisa hota toh kaisa hota, waisa hota toh kaisa hota;

Phir yeh sooch ke samajh tham jati hai

Ki jaisa hai woh bhi ka possiblities se kam hai!

The recent financial crisis is well-documented, discussed, debated, tiraded against - but does that make it go away?

Similarly flop actors, innane songs and mindless direction coming together with a "supposed" hit formula - does that a movie make?

Apparently so..U C, you and me, we dont know anything! The pros (let alone the fact that a shirtless sallu now looks haggard, old and overdone piece of beefcake rather than the 20-30 something dude hez supposed to be looking like) know it all bhai! Viewer gaya bhad mein - ek train-journey-time-pass book le lenge, 1980s inspired animal prints ek "lead" actress ko pehna denge (n the poor thing has actually managed a decent performance but the outfits kill it!!), aur thoda item numbers daal denge (however mindless, misplaced and stupid they sound), jazz up the whole thing - yeh toh hit hai!!

Badhiya hai!!

In this era of a global+vocal Indian, has bollywood lost its thinking cap somewhere on those overdone over-the-top dance numbers that they so many pains to design and implement but forget one key element - mostly these are not required!!!!!!!

Why do we undermine the importance of simplicity?

Or why do we assume that a hit book will make a hit movie?

Arnt we pulling a ass-u-(and)-me by doing so??

Full marks to Chetan Bhagat for creating a popular and immensely enjoyable(to most) book; also to the cute devil (he made me smile:-)) and Isha Koppikar for trying to make the story stick...but unfortunately it doesnt...It cant! Not if the thinking, expressive intelligent Indian has any say in what makes a hit..Look at "A Wednesday" - we need human stories that make some sense at some point in the movie or other....

Sometimes I wish we had a customer feedback after a movie - just like most people are rated on their "does he/she fulfill customer satisfaction" metrics...Unfortunately, in bollywood, customer aka. viewer is not king...No one asks please give suggestions on how to make your expeirence worthwhile and worththe moolah you had to shell out!!

Makes one want to curl up with a book like "the curious incident of the do in the night - time" - a brilliant piece of wrk i must say, and banish all the bollywood monsters to eternal flopdom - oof with their works!!!

Kash aisa bhi hota...

Yours disgruntled....

Its Magic...

2008-09-27T02:12:00.001-07:00

One moves on...Suddenly one fine day, one remembers...a la, its all coming back to me! Memory all wide-awake, one wonders "what happened there?", "where is he?", "did beauty find her beau?","did d geek manage to get cinderella?"...So many questions ::sigh::

Old friends, long pushed to the recesses of one's memory suddenly come alive - chattering, fighting, screaming, shouting, in school uniforms or college jholas, pre/post pre-makeup/ visiting-parlours-days...and one keeps wondering...

Then baam - a blast from the past - Its an FB/orkut alert!She's back - asking to be friends, that bully from the playground, that guy who broke Gulati uncle's window and its back to business:-)

That first rush of finding old friends - that's magic...That first scrap of how have you been - when answered, that's magic...That old friend - after 30 years of being out of touch - finding her online, meeting her, sharing new memories - that's magic....

Ok so I am not 30 and thus cant have met a friend 30 years later..So what...This post isn't about me, this is for all those who find friends - old and new, online! Especially old ones, coz in the flow of life we are constantly making new ones in any case;-))

Its pure magic....Even its not perfect; the past and its connections - They are the present's present and that makes the present most special of them all (i meant tenses, what were u thinking?:P)

"That was awesome...it's like magic when you get that click just right!" ::with slight modifications to Mr. Calvin's wisdom:-)::

To be or not to be....

2008-09-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

Truth is the forebringer of change and change is the ultimate truth. Why then are we in constant denial?
Denial is the ultimate non-acceptance of both change and truth...

Just some random thoughts:-)

Its All About Money, Honey!

2008-08-24T07:54:00.000-07:00

Work is worship, time is money, these days - work is time and worship is money! But this ones not about changing attitudes, preferences and lifestyles, its about...well, read on!

Why is money so important? is it a physical attachment to the Gandhi or is it what it can do for us? To put it differently, is money about money itself or is it about something deeper?

Hmm, too many questions! Lets get cracking!!

Firstly, it is important to recognize that money is the means to an end. The end could be as simplistic as wanting to hoard money for its own intrinsic worth or it could be as the means to future purchasing power. Note that in both cases, it seems to have one thing in common - Power. Aha, my fave topic; back again;-)

More fundamentally, why then do we need to feel powerful? Is it about the recognition and related social perks that come with it? or is it about a personal sense of self-worth? or is it simply about "the survival of the fittest"??

More questions!! This is becoming a vicious circle! Dammit!!

But we shall persevere..

If you notice, social benefits as well as self-worth are feelings. And feelings derive from a more primal need - the need to survive. The sense of well-being, happiness or alternatively of apprehension, fear are linked to our immediate environment. If one feels secure and safe, at a fundamental level that can ensure some degree of happiness. So man seems to be fundamentally about survival and feelings seem to be some sort of internal mechanism (or intuition, or subconscious) to tell us how survivable is the current situation.. This is an interesting point and we shall delve into it, at length, later. But for the topic under discussion - Bingo! It all seems to boil down to survival!!

It is this primitive need to ensure survival that then governs ours actions..And "Power" or a show of power seems to be the means to do this! Often, we talk about crimes against women - to the bra-burning brigade, females are victims of the male ego..History has not helped this natural conclusion with religion, societal norms and customs all pitching in for the ultimate dominance of the "man" aka the male..However, per my understanding, this notion is a bit flawed. This is not to say that the feminists are wrong - of course women have been subjugated, and still are. This is only to say that their lens is narrow - all that is "weak" is subjugated. Its also children, the economically poor, even animals! Man will subjugate anyone and anything he can - to assert and establish his power. This then is about mass victimization, not just the 50% of the population that most intelligentsia limits its pro-women debates and discussion to. Pause. This is a very powerful idea - you can easily choose to not be the victim! If you are powerful enough, then you will not and cannot be subjugated! Unfortunately, its a bit Utopian! You see, the fundamental root may be power and unfixing the notion of power with physical or mental attributes may allow for some sanity to prevail over the long term, however, this need for power will always need a vehicle.. In the new age, this seems to be money..And the cycle will continue as long as mankind is power-hungry. Since the need for power stems from a primitive need for survival, unfortunately knowing this does not help since we will always end up finding a substitute to ensure subjugation - of someone, somewhere! After all, its an ingrained need..God save the aliens!!

Luckily, man has not yet perfected the means to ensure immortality and we are here for but a few years, max a few 100! Before chaos erupts, we will all hopefully be not around. After all, "in the long run we are all dead!"

cheers!;-)

Sounds Fishy, Feels Funny!

2008-08-04T06:47:00.000-07:00

Just another manic monday - well, since its nearly over in some parts of the world, it wont pay to be profane!!

Have you ever felt full? - well I don't mean an after-a-7-course-meal kinda full, just full? Lemme explain...As a first step, fullness just like fishiness seems to be at a fundamental level a state of mind. A general "feeling" of satiety. With satiety comes a general ennui, feeling of sloth, boredom and so on..So then, fullness can (per my understanding) refer to a general feeling of having taken in too much - either physically or mentally. Physically, its probably an easy concept to grab, just think of Joey, hez never full! I mean, how many of us have not hogged to the point of ::ahem:: at some point in time or the other;-) Thus, here I will devote my energies towards mental "fullness". Let me start with an example, remember Dombledore's pensieve in the Happy Potter series (was it 4 or 5? - my memory seems a bit rusty)? He uses it to store "thoughts" when he's feeling too full! The world of wizardry does seem quite sane in some such practical invention suggestions - any AI guys reading this????

But we digress..

So mental fullness is to me, a state of mind when one really is feeling quite full, thank you very much, to the extent of finding it difficult to engage in any intellectual debate or discussion in any meaningful capacity. This state is akin to refusing dessert when one is really literally quite full after a meal!

This brings us to a second question - how scientifically valid is this "state of mind". I mean, is it actually true satiation or is it a perception? The irony is in the definition itself!!

In any case, the feeling cannot, by definition, be permanent - despite the lack of pensieves in the muggle world! Come on, think about it, you really cant be so full of feeling/thoughts/emotions yada yada yada that you don't want to do anything additional?

My advice - on those days when feeling too full, take a rain-check;-) Take a break, go for a walk, yap with friends, bug some close ones with utter gibberish! And "manic" monday becomes another day to celebrate!

Such is life - you see we cannot afford to be full, not till the end! so its carpe diem!!

yours feeling-emptier,

:-)

Anamika......

2008-07-22T08:44:00.000-07:00

How do I start this - ok, lemme try. I have a confession to make - i have not been reading ::Gasp, Horror!!::

Well, not "no reading" exactly, but just no "me reading"...know what I mean?

I'll explain - most of us like to pursue some leisure activity, right? Its part of being human, de-stressing, yada yada yada. Well, till a few months ago, mine used to be reading - yup, I was one one of those who used to read for pleasure ::sigh....::

Woh bhi din the. But fast-forward to the present, and after a day spent reading reports, research papers, IMF documents, FT, and more reports, somehow I seem to have lost the enthu for reading beyond work. Somewhere, in all those reports, lies a "illuminatus triology" half-forgotten, a "history of the world" unstarted and in-numerous Vikram Seths, Agatha Cristies, and Joanna Harrises unfinished. The last book I started was "Sisterhood of travelling pants" and I have yet to progree beyond the 1st chapter! Per my facebook bookshelf I am currently in the process of reading atleast 6 different books - I dont know how!

To be honest, the last book I read was Sayed Mirza's "Ammi-letters to a democratic mother" but it was only thanks to an extended long break at home that I think I managed to do so.

So what is it that makes us lose touch with hobbies/activities infact even people, places that at one point in time we saw as crucial to making/defining us. Is it plain ennui, or is it a sheer reluctance to push ourselves? I mean, you can take it easy since its only you who is going to know it in any case! what is it?

I dont know...but I would like to know...

Laziness seems too simplistic. The other standard fave is "lack of time". However given that I've had weekends in the past few months wherein I have literally forced myself to go out or watch TV or whatever, naaaaaaaaaaaah. I mean my motto has always been "read whatever possible, even if its 2 lines!" One of my personal faves is "saturation" - u know you tend to read so much as a part of your daily routine that by the end of the day/week when u think its your "me" time or zone-out time, u've literally had enuf! But saturated at 26 - take a hike lady, that is so not gonna pass the litmus;-))

Ok, here's a last attempt, but probably they dont make them good any longer! I mean what in recent years can compare to the pathos and drama of "The tale of 2 cities", or the intense pain in "MacBeth" or the magic and wonderment in "Alice in wonderland..."? call me old-fashioned but I m pretty sure the new-age aficionados will be screaming "off with her head"!

Hmmmm...m stuck!

Lost!

Confused! ::again????::

till later...

P.S. The title holds coz i dint knw what 2 call this one - "Anamika" translates into "without a name":D:D haha gotcha!!

P.P.S. I just realized that I have of reading to catch up on apart from all the writing that I need to pen down! M totally screwed man!! Bhagwan, please bachao!!!

The stereotyping of a typically-reluctant-non-vegetarian!

2008-07-05T06:16:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen (as a young girl I always used to spoof this as general-men but that's a digression that warrants a stand-alone entry!:D), this is the story of a boy and a girl - actually some 2 boys and 3 girls and a typically academic discussion. For most occasions, the group under consideration loves food - eating, talking, cooking, talking, debating, talking, sharing, talking (u get the general drift) FOOD. Infact, food is such a universal conversation-"starter" that it is the only true competitor to the weather and bollywood(? !! ahem!). No wonder some of the best chef designed experiments are called "starters" - probably they are referring to loud/subtle but in any case vocal verdicts/debates/discusssions. However, unfortunately this entry is not about food (sigh, i do have a lot of catch-up-on-my-writing to do but promise loads on food later:D). This one is about stereotypes!!

What is a stereotype? Walter Lippmann answered this question metaphorically by calling a stereotype a "picture in our heads" typically about people based on certain common characteristics....(italics mine) To extend the definition further, one could theretically have stereotypes about places, cultures, books, etc coz its just another form of categorization - though I could not find any evidence of this in literature, however, it sounds possible logically - "a typical pagan culture", "a typical quaint-little irish town" and so on. Please note that I am no expert on the topic and speak only from my limited knowledge and reading. However, in the big-picture context, sterotyping is an extremely simplistic way of profiling people across disciplines - beyond the obvious examples, econometrics uses demographic profiling to generate results based on representative sample-sets, advertisments are simplistic expansion-oriented tools based on demand projections again from target audience sets..Nice, vairy vairy nice. Also extremely convenient to bucket people and use the "common" charateristics for "uncommon" good;-)

Unfortunately, does that not make all of us conformists? I mean, by moving from individuals to sterotypes to groups, as rational thinking beings, do we necessarily want to conform? all of us? as someone else chooses to define us? Think about it, its a bit scary. But more importantly it proves a bigger point - man is a social animal. We all like to belong - even though we may be the "typical rebels"!!:D:D

Therefore, I may scream from my roof-top about my lack of deep deep love for non-veg, when it comes to eating I choose to conform to a stereotype - that of a non-vegetarian who can happily cross over to the other side yet is reluctant to do so...

still confused,

the reluctant you-know-what by now!

red red red!!

2008-06-19T05:35:00.000-07:00

Today, the 19th of June, 2008 will always be a watershed in the life and times of the centre of my universe - me!

This day is about broken promises (dont get me started on how that happened!), scraped chins (sigh, details follow...) and red nail paint!! Yes, u red it right!

So the day starts late (thanks to the new fever bug that's painting the town red) which translated into taking an completely unscheduled off. Midway between noon and afternoon, yours truly ties to experiment with her looks - nothing wrong with them but they just happen to be the same everytime she looks in the mirror....well, before you know it, a fall on the very faithful pumice stone results in (u guessed it right), a scraped chin??? who on earth manages to do that!!!

so its Mr. Band-it to the rescue! Thank God for those...And though I honestly believe that it the second-most useful thing man ever created - right after the safety pins, still one of the chin???::bo ho ho::....but let me not digress here...so, there is band-aid on my once regular looking face...and a party to goto tonight! For a girl looking forward to a party, this is right up on top of that list of pre-party disasters...its much worse that the burnt outfit, broken heel yada yada yada - get my drift....

kya karein?

jana toh hai...plus its all in the mind:-(((

But thank God for distractions - so we decide to go paint the town red literally.. This involves a careful process of selection of nail colour, lip colour, and the works all with one single theme in mind - its RED!

Wish me luck, and please do pray for my poor chin which lies unattended, ignored, and morose in its banditised band-aid world...

endings and new beginnings

2008-06-17T06:55:00.000-07:00

Wow- 4 years just flew by (well nearly 4 if u want 2 be technical about this!) and here i am again. dont knw hw 2 get started, not sure y i stopped but this one isnt about regrets but catching up. So rogue (cloakroom.blogspot.com), chez(cheshirememoirs.blogspot.com) and some old frens are no longer active - as far as i can google...but i have miles 2 go before i sleep and hopefully am back for keeps:-)

Lets start with what is new - social networking is the way to be...facebook is the new God and orkut, the old demigod. Bush is headed out - finally! Oil is nearly $140/bbl or has it touched a new peak in the last 3 hours???? sex and the city is now a movie, "serious" cricket is 20 overs looooong, Kareena is the new face of bollyglam and one can no longer use a yahoo account to log into this place!!!

However, some things never change - AB baby is still hot (check out the direct camera se ankh milana in Sarkar Raj if you dont believe me), India still swears by cricket - albeit in a newer avatar, and the US still swears againt Iraq - remember the "we will smoke dem out"....!

and most importantly, in the cosmic scale of things we are still a dot!!

Which brings us to fundamental irony - we dont count as far as the universe goes, but yet we are all about "I my me mine ours us" - in short we are the center of our own universe! this is point blank scary - its like saying that whatever you do, whatever you say doesnt count and yet in our delusional reality, we seem to matter - a lot!

which is probably one reason y i am back on this ego trip - thinking it counts:D

2004 - a 22 year old started blogging, bas yun hi, to express herself

2008 - a 26 year old returns, bas yun hi, to find herself...

cruella de ville!!

2004-11-12T09:22:00.000-08:00

hmm, the wicked witch of the west, the cruel stepsisters, the quintessentially evil pallavi of kahani ghar ghar ghar.....havent u noticed hw the most evil manifestations of evil as in implied evil are women.....wht does this indicate to you??
i have been battling with this question for ages now and till last week hadnt come across any reasonable, feasible explanation....until the da vinci code happened....suddenly everything fell in place....u see, Dan Brown explains all this- the degradation of the feminine form over the centuries to a part of the church's propoganda to perpetuate the divinity of christ.....i dont knw hw true or correct this is, but it sure is an interesting insight!!
this brings me to the indian version of things- the sanctity of the devi- the daughter or the bahu being a "devi".....ostentatiously very feminine oriented but practically this belief being mocked at every single day by our actions.....so wht does tht make- ppl who choose to ignore wht they knw or imbecicles who dont knw??
all said and done, my question remains unanswered!!
any answers??

fitting in

2004-08-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

there are times when we tend to feel down and out for no apparent reason...it may not be becoz of anything in particular, just tht u get to knw everything last of all, u figure out stuff after all others, all relationships are topsy turvy and most of all suddenly the ppl u love best expect u have an independent life of ur own!!
u then start to really feel as if u dont belong....but with a person like me, it goes further than this...i feel as if i dont belong to the now....i tend to feel tht in the normal course of things also, but at times like this, the feeling gets aggravated and a cyclical tendency sets in place.....but the times are a changing and this time instead of a "why do i even exist in this world? why cant we have an option of a better world?" and so on, wht did get into my head was a thought, " if God sent me in this present, i must belong to the nw"......tht is my option, i can choose to live my life or i choose to let life govern me:)
it seems very simplistic, but look at it a 2nd, 3rd or even a 4th time, and its a very powerful idea....we belong in the present, there is nothing else to it....and tht is real and there is no way around it.....either think of urself stuck with it or accept it...:)
so dear girl think, but not so much so as to want to no longer think.....and more importantly live for there is but one life, dont really knw abt the others nw do we?

aajkal

2004-07-11T05:15:00.000-07:00

the title sounds prety boring naa, well it is bas yun hi:)this one is about the life and times of today and well maybe tomorrow....they say, the world is shrinking- a global village is in the making....well duh, the world seems pretty big from where i am standing...this is abt the BPL coexisting with the globetrotting rich, abt a ragpicker coexisting with an ambani, abt a dalai lama coexisting with george w.bush....and cats coexisting with dogs..lol
but then isnt this world abt coexistence....why then do we have a war on iraq?? why then do we have an arms race?? why then do we have sooooo many disparities that ur head actually starts to reel once u start thinking abt it??
is this going to be true abt the future also?? i dont knw, and if u dont believe in astrology or even time-travel for tht matter, then nobody does....
tis true the world seems unlivable at present, but u knw wht, i luv it!! it may be crooked, it may not be a perfect sphere- its still abt me, my age, my times....we crib and crib and crib and lust after wht we dont have- my only prayer is tht let not the future be soo perfect tht there is nothing to change- let it not be soo good tht man maynot deserve it...let there be flaws, the correction of which makes one want to go on...and more still; let there be one....
i dont knw hw we will get there- will it be peaceful or will it be violent?? will it be in equality tht we march or in much worse inequalities than exist today?? will it be as an enlightened race tht we march or as a species (in)famed for its destructive capabilities??
morover will it be here on earth or in a land far, far away??
maybe tomorrow we may yearn for today, thinking this to be perfect....think abt it..