Intellectually yours

I met an old friend yesterday, well not literally, but old in the sense of seasoned, used-to, comfortable-in-their-own-skin-and-with-you kinda way.

The most amazing things about the people in your life is that they can dissect you in a way you never imagined possible. And old friends are not only qualified enough to do it but also firm enough to drive the lesson home with the reassuring "main hoon na" always wrapping up any doubts you may have and dunking them right outta the window!

Old friends are nice and warm and fuzzy and just there, all you have to do is turn around and there, right at the edge of where your vision blurs, there is a familiar face and the world feels alright again. :-)

Among the many issues jostling for attention in my 1.5 kg head right now (don’t think it weighs more than that), top of the list is the search for a partner (rem Ted Mosby, well Indianise and genderize the context for Urban India!). Among the varied observations and nuggets of advice alongwith threats of "you can’t go ahead if I don’t approve" (blackmailing devils some of them!), yesterday's session on insights was one of the most brutal ever - seriously man, is it really intellect all the way for me?

Now I am seriously worried. I mean old friends are seldom wrong. And in this case in particular, somewhere I know for a fact, the observation holds, atleast as a first point of interest...

But knowledge is power - so knowing something is wrong/won't work is better than trying to reach someone on their landline when you are pretty sure they aren't home and its a mobile number you actually need.

I love old friends, I really do. Even if I don’t say so often enough! :-)

Bad at being sad

Sometimes I bug me. No its true, I really do. I can be the most irritating person I know of. I mean any normal person, if they are unwell would accept it gracefully and rest. But madam? Nooooooo ::horrified expression:: what do you mean accept it? ::Thundering booming voice:: How can that be?! It is questioned, counter-questioned, debated till it gets so exhausting to argue with oneself that she drops, thankfully on the bed, a reluctant acknowledgment that well she may be ill, just a little bit. And doctors, don't even mention them - that would mean retractions and "I've been misunderstood"s so many that any true-blue Bollywood actress would happily sign up for classes on how to deny the obvious!

I suck at being ill. And since being ill is sometimes bundled with being sad, I suck at that too! So while the whole world may be falling apart, there I am grinning away like the fairy Godmother just granted me passes to go on a date with Ali Zafar!!

Sometimes I really do feel like boxing my own ears. I am, honestly the only time I am scraping the bottom of the moping club is when its birthday time. Oh yes, those seriously get me down, esp post-25. But this that too dint last! Sheesh!!

I give up! On trying to "grow up" and "face reality", whatever that may be. If I don't take kindly to being ill, then so be it. As long as people around me know how to deal with "cribby", life's a breeze, maybe a gale is more like it but whatever. I'll live!;D

Maggi Mania!

I loveeeeeeeeeeeee maggi, I absolutely adore it. Its funny shapes, great taste and completely engrossing all by itself - in short, its magic food! "Worth the calories", as I would say in the ultimate certification of a food's worth.

Combine this with the fact that its easily cooked in a microwave - which I believe is one of humanity's greatest inventions (well next to the safety pin and oh well, the wheel if you insist!) and you have the perfect recipe for a never-ending party!! Its like the RBI Guv went on a holiday and the mint went on a printing spree! Inflation, though is another story altogether and something we'll deal with later!;D

Amen to all the grocery stores that stock maggi for mid-morning/afternoon/evening/night snacking options and thank goodness for new age office cafeterias and homes that make those breaks possible.

And no Nestle isn't paying me to say this!:P

Rush rush rush

I am runnin runnin, I m runnin runnin.

Coz I am a girl in a hurry and I ain't got time dude!

we read so much about slowing down, smelling the flowers, taking time out....But in this day and age can we really afford to?

I thought and thought about it. A lot. Then I decided to do it. Just like that. Bam!

Well, was it worth it?

I don't know.

Isn't it crazy that I am always asking these questions but never really know the answers. Well, I am not God and so yes, its okay to not know! :D

But to earth! Yes, taking a break makes sense. At one level it is literally about not smelling the flowers often enough, recharging your batteries, figuring out your priorities. At another, it really teaches you the opportunity cost and what I would like to term the "opportunity worth" of all that you have in life.

What's important to know however is the fact that life isn't about waiting for your turn or getting to a meeting or even taking a long deep breath, however calming and energising that may be. It is about what happens when you weren't looking, what happens when you were waiting for "the one" but instead found another "not-so" perfect one, what happens when you are running between two meetings. Life isn't about thinking what to do. Life just is. You can't control it. At a lot of levels you can't even choose - your relatives, colleagues, your place of birth (I simply adore Epstein's poem!), but you can just go along. If it slows down, slow down, if its rushing you, don't kill yourself "feeling" rushed, just go with it.

In all the insights I've ever had about life, this one is the most powerful. And scary. And fatalistic. But strangely energising. Life just happens, or something like it. Taking time out isn't gonna change it, its part of it and neither will running kill you (unless you decide to shoot off in stilettos on the highway hurling yourself in a truck's way!). Its okay to rush, rush is good. After all, we only got till 2012 to live man so make the most of it! It could be pretty good fun you know!;D

Go Go Go!

Loopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Some days are just crazy. Downright weird mean horridly crazy.

All the unresolved questions, unanswered phone calls, random strangers get entangled in a huge big mass and scream out for attention like a roomful of hungry babies!

Its a bit much.

Some days are overwhelming.

All the repressed anger, hurt, disappointment, bitterness just surfaces and tugs and pulls at your sanity like a huge rock dragging a corpse to the bottom of the ocean.

Some days are, well just more than 24 hours!

But somewhere at the end of the day is a beautiful sunset - ah, sometimes maybe it is the sunset that the crazy day wanted us to loop right back to :-)

Seen Chalo Dilli? Highly recommend it for that "Eureka" perspective - there is so much that can go wrong and doesn't. Maybe, on some days, its just enough to get through - some day, I'll let go of wanting to be a super-star everyday and some day, a pattern will emerge out of the randomness...Till then, I'll just be happy living my life on my own terms!

Meow!;D

P.S. No I don't love u, I wrote this for me!:P

P.P.S. Am back to using this blog too! hehehe

The one year itch

Facebook is addictive! No it really is! I have been on chutti the past four days and have been religiously following birthday greetings, new year party plans, vacations in Goa....

Somewhere though, in all those status updates and holiday plans, I lost me...

Writing - that is what had started it all for me. This need to be online, to be socially networked, to be wired in, to be. Its sad but true - in the past few months there has been precious little to write about - between rushed breakfasts, one-minute phone calls and some crazy friendship/singleship/relativeship/workship dynamics this is the one thing that I found easiest to ignore.

You know, there is that streak in all of us - ummm, selfishness? well, this is mine rearing its head to say that maybe I need a break..Sorry facebook, orkut - u guys know its not about you..

This is about me. About an experiment. The "One Year Itch" - a one-year project - my new social experiment. I will not be active on facebook for a full one year - starting today, the 29th (or is is 30th? - what the heck!) of Dec. I will not post any update or add to any discussion, I will not like (:-(), comment, or tag. I will not beat your score or feed my animals. Don't get me wrong, I am not deactivating my account - I am just taking time-out to see if in today's day and age relationships/friendships can still mean the same without fb/orkut. Basically, In that sense I will be a social recluse. But (here it is, the best disclaimer of all!), only if you know me/interact with me here, in the virtual world. I needed a goal and this is what I zeroed in on - just call it my quest for self-realization, my need to pamper my mad streak, my need to do something random!

Its tough. It really is - dunno How I'll do without my daily dose of facebook. Dunno, how I will desist from logging in, just checking on whats happening with whom, on clicking on "like" when a friend posts an interesting quote/pic/thought or the new "dislike"? Gosh, its gonna be really really tough.

Ouch!

Guys, Maybe I have lost it. But what is losing? it is ultimately giving up something that which somebody else gains (I told you I have lost it!)!

Though not sure how I'll be able to stay away, for now I'll stick to saying - "we are on a break"!;-)) But I will be back! Same time next year - as of now I freeze my time capsule!:D:D

P.S. I will be shifting my blog to http://the-one-year-itch.blogspot.com/- you can be a part of my my new social experiment and real-life escapades there!:D:D

Circle of trust

Oft in life, we come across people and faces that change us. Interactions that alter our core being, conversations that change our fundamental outlook, situations that change our sense of being and perspective...

People - they define us, or more specifically help us define ourselves. Who are we? what do we want? The when, where, what of our very existence is defined by interactions with others. In a broader sense, we relate to ourselves as relative to others - I am better than him, she is my ideal, he is perfect! and so on.. In case, it is not mortals that we seek to benchmark ourselves to, we create "Gods" or visions of perfection that we aspire to replicate in our thoughts, actions and words. In all of these cases, we are necessarily defining ourselves "relative" to others. Maybe that's why they call those related to us by bloodlines "relatives", the sense of benchmarking or "competition" is supposed to highest among those most like us??

Sorry, slightly off-tangent but couldn't resist the pun!;D

On a more serious note, lets get cracking on how we define ourselves!

All forms of social, emotional and human bonding are then an exercise in self-realization! So end of the day, we are all self-obsessed, unfulfilled, selfish souls seeking to find our anchor by our circle of trust! Ouch!! There goes the theory of man being a social animal down the drain! But wait, not necessarily coz here we are just trying to understand why man is a social animal, in fact we are just taking the theory to the next level! Phew!! Bach gayi!!:D

A related issue - Man is a social animal. That is a fundamental premise. However, why then do we have murderers, rapists, terrorists, basically "anti-social" elements also present as a part of the social fabric? Again, I would term these are social interactions; they may be anti-social to the extent that they harm one or more individuals but then the word "social" does not necessarily imply pleasant. I mean, just going by the word, a social interaction is an engagement between any two entities. It may or may not be legitimate, pleasant, or morally acceptable but the word per se doesn't lend any qualitative characteristics to the interaction. The form and nature of the interaction is an outcome of social, cultural, inter-personal phenomena guiding the two entities.

My take on the whole situation- we define ourselves by choosing whom we keep close to ourselves. The people we surround ourselves with, the company we associate with, the social interactions we choose to be a part of, even the organization we work with, essentially our "circle of trust" - the ones we open up to, lay bare our vulnerabilities, doubts, dilemmas, share our successes with, define our aspirations with, our closest friends and even our enemies (circle of distrust in this case!) (Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?)

Note that our core circle of trust may not be the most evident people in our lives - the friends we hang around with or the partner we live with. It may include some one as obscure as the poet whose work inspires us, the seer we look up to or the person on the plane we befriended an hour ago. It may or may not be evident to those who observe us, but inside us we know. These are the people we align with, seek as our natural allies, partners. As disaggegated individuals, these are the structures or the norms that bind us, unwind us. This, our circle of trust, is what defines our core being.

Jai Deva

Jai Deva - two simple words, a very powerful mantra.. What is about faith that inspires millions, no billions, err trillions?? (soon my friend, at last count world population was estimated at 6,779,912,670 as on 25th Aug '09 by the US census bureau!)

What is it about Bhakti that moves each of us - whether religious fervents or atheists to sometime in life, in deep despair, or in extreme happiness to call out "oh God"? What is it about Karma and Dharma that makes us just believe? emboldens the "sunshine people" (the eternal, undying, almost as if on dope kinda optimists!) to always grin? and the wannabe martyrdom craving cynics, a reason to live and scream out "Bhagwan hai, sab dekh raha hai"!!

What is about faith that brings so many people, from so many different walks of life, together? Swine flu or not, Ganapati Bappa Morya, in God we trust unconditionally!

Omnipotent, Omniscient - the magic of belief seems to rival even the popularity of its creator - it seems to be everywhere, have an answer for all of ones woes; worldly or even otherwise, reduce insurmountable odds to ashes, and medical uncertainties to medical marvels! Belief, it seems makes the world go round. And belief it seems, sets in motion a whole chain of well, another round of belief!

Don't get me wrong, am not on a religion-glorifying mission here. Am just trying to capture the phenomenon that can suddenly make the world seem a nicer place, the flowers seem brighter, and return a lost smile...Its magical isn't it - this feeling that there is some entity up there, out there, rooting for you, ready to catch you if you fall, ready to challenge you if you don't do so yourself, ready to push you, guide you and even hold your hand if you stumble.

This one is not about God or religion, or ideology or purpose or fervour or fanaticism. This one is not even about Gaia, or the Superconscious or sending a message to the universe. This one is simply about letting go. Not just letting go of set notions, of the good, bad, ugly, not just asking for redemption or admitting to the wrongs one has done but letting go of all the bad the world may have subjected one to. This one is simply about believing, in oneself, in hope, in the future - if that involves faith and God and destiny and luck, so be it! At least one believes in the existence of a future worth living in, waiting for, aspiring towards...

Maybe we are delusional, but if one goes by the philosophy underlying phenomenal film, The Matrix, the world as we see it, is delusional! The point is, you can choose to just believe! Coz truth too, just like faith, is not absolute!

Nothing is good or bad, thinking makes it so. Nothing is or can be, belief, however, makes it seem so!;-)

Moving on = Turning Back?

Unsaid, unwritten, some chapters in life have a way of closing themselves, incomplete. We aren't sure if we are done yet, but move on thinking what's done is done and can't be undone. Years, months, weeks later, we suddenly remember. A blast from the past, a ghost returns to haunt us, taunt us. And suddenly, the present becomes a hazy mist as our feet take us back to where it all started from, where the tale lies untold and the embers continue to unfold...

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, life has a way of going round and round before coming full circle. Suddenly we find the past staring us in the face, seeking answers to questions we may have run away from...

Its magical isn't it? This ability of life to hold us accountable, the conviction with which it expects us to remember and the means with which it makes us aware. Just because something is over, doesn't mean its done with. Maybe you forgot the appendix to that chapter, or maybe you forgot to run your spellcheck, but in the word processor of life, we sometimes do get to review - to change, undo, or simply relive and cherish what we left behind:-)

Past-present, time-space, these are strongly inter-related concepts even though one is defined by philosophy and theology while the other is posited by Physics. Ever heard of Deja vu? The dictionary defines it as the feeling of already having seen the present. How do you rationalize it? How do you logify it? If not for the circle, how did we run into a situation that has already happened? Well, this is getting even more complicated and all I wanted to do was a simple entry before hitting the sack!

Ok lets get cracking. Lets start with a basic assumption and definition - the social sciences in my universe are also "sciences"; and within social sciences I choose to include Theology and occult, subjects which I don't know much about but believe that a lack of knowledge doesn't give me the authority to label these as unsceintific.

So lets start with the simplest possible case study - you, your present. Your current station in life is a direct/indirect outcome of a number of factors - your education, your occupation, the people in your life, etc. In most part however, your past, what you did in the last few years, in the years before that, yesterday, today morning, define who you are today, right now. Talking rhetorically, therefore, the past presents cues, answers, solutions, definitions to questions, issues, debates, events that may be making/marring/defining your present. and to the extent that you need the present to link up with a valid/solid/pleasant/wanted future, sometimes you may need to turn back, reflect, re-assess, address and resolve your past to define your future and move on from your present.

Turning back, then, may not be a step back; maybe its just a rain-check, a rewind button that you hit to ensure a seamless recording for what lies ahead.

You know its a very powerful feeling, to know that you may have messed up but its possible to fix it. Maybe, sometimes all you need to do is face it. Maybe, all it needs is a simple "sorry" or a "thank you". Maybe you moved too fast, and all you need to do is turn around. Or maybe it was the perfect ending to the chapter, but that doesn't mean you can't write another one! Afterall, perfection is what you define it to be, come on just humour me and take it to another level this time around - you never know what you may end up creating. I mean, at one point of time they thought DOS was perfect, but that didnot stop Microsoft from redefining what a user-friendly OS could be like - aka Windows! Ok, am not a sure fan but MS certainly re-defined the boundary of operating systems when it came to user-friendliness!

This one is about second chances. About home-coming, about lessons learnt from the past to make the future worth living. This one is about the circle called life..Of course, some may prefer to call it the "circus" of life, but we'll leave that one for another day!;-)

Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!;-)

Things to do

1> Maid's holiday - find an alternative!

2> Spa appointment

3> Groceries!

4> Pack for the trip

5> Tomorrow's big meeting - get the primer done

6> Collect dry cleaning

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Ever feel like you are running to be in the same place?

That the theory of relativity defines your life - you are aging even though you are just an observer; you are free-falling just coz you aren't doing anything!

That the rain just reminds you of how horrid the traffic is going to be..

That you "visit" family; the flower shop; your fave restaurant...

That it's all going so fast that the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror was just to wear make-up...

Somehow, between all those meetings, office trips, emails and salary checks, your best friend had her heart broken and you never came to know....or you yours but never got around to talking about it...

Your secy is your new best friend, your boss is your God and work your religion...

Somehow, your to do list is never-ending and some crisis or the other keeps pushing you on and on...

Your perception of reality is "I my me", you broke up with a guy coz he earned less than you and all that you can focus on away from work is well, work!

Admit it, life isn't exactly where you thought it would be but it is. You live in a dream, but you aren't sure if its yours...

You know, you don't have to compromise - just coz it seems like the only option does not mean it is! Just coz it seems like the "ideal" life, "ideal" guy, "ideal" whatever, does not mean that you stop dreaming, aspiring, walking on.

A lot of times in life, maybe everyday for some of us, we wonder. Then we wonder, what's to wonder, what's wrong with me, he seems perfect, its really good money, I am not qualified for anything else, and we reconcile and re-believe that our life is perfect. But for how long?

Ever feel like you are running to be in the same place?

Don't run so fast that you get your ankle twisted, or worse your foot fractured.

Gosh, you are only so many years old, you do have the luxury of time on your hands. what once you reach the top? Just coz you are so used to running, you are gonna topple right off - maybe pulled down by exactly one of those super-driven sorts who eerily reminds you of the way you were.

I mean seriously, was this even your dream, passion, true calling to begin with?

Are you truly, honestly, happy, contented?

Do you have a good night's sleep once you hit the bed or you just go from one alarm to the other - one to remind you its bedtime and the other to wake you up!

Do you call your wife/husband/proxy just to hear their voice? Or are they there in your life just like one of those props you picked up in an awards function?

Stop! Stop dragging yourself, lugging yourself around like a dead man walking coz that's exactly what the rest of the world is doing.

I believe, each one of us has a choice, we can be the masters of who we want to be. If it isn't making you happy, its not what are meant to be doing. It it feels like a burden, then maybe, it is.

Reality is what you make it to be. You may be happy to be led, governed by circumstances or you'd prefer to be the one dictating terms. That is a call you have to take. But just coz it seems right and fits the template, doesn't mean that is. Maybe, just maybe, it can be different - not necessarily better or worse but different.

Life is gift - or a curse. For most of us, it ends up becoming the latter and we end up compromising just to be one of the Joneses...

Believe - you have a choice, it may not be shining bright enough to catch you eye just yet but its out there, like an uncut diamond. You don't have to make you with whatever comes your way - that's not to say that you should just be a "stuck up 'no no'" person, but that whatever your current lot in life, you can still aspire. You can go grab the stars, even its just the one on top of the Christmas tree, its a start nevertheless.

Dream! Its important to not stop dreaming. A brave man once said, "never judge a man by what he has made of his life, but he wants to make of it hereon!" I call him brave coz its very difficult to overlook the present and where people can be in life but so what! This is about you, not about them!!

It may seem difficult, childish, but then weren't you happy as a child - when the sky was the limit to your aspirations and even without being able to spell it, you wanted to be an astrophysicist!

Write it down - you once wanted to be a novelist, remember? what happened to that? Or you really really wanted to date this girl, but never got around to asking her out? Do it, turn back if you can, she may just be waiting for you, or she may not but atleast you tried! Maintain a "thought" diary where you can be as random as you want, where you can be honest with yourself, where you can be you..

You know just coz it came your way, doesn't mean you have to be stuck with the first choice. You can choose to wait it out, or keep striving for your dreams, even if you didn't. If they are defined by materialism, so be it. But be sure to choose your life over your lifestyle!

Afterall, there are no rights or wrongs in life, its a journey. So pace it out or burn it out; as you wish, just be aware that you are choosing to do so. And in any case, "in the long run, we are all dead", so no-one's gonna remember you or your mistakes or your successes or your net worth for too long, but you got one shot at life and maybe just maybe, they'll remember your dreams, your passion, your words - now that's something ain't it!;-)

If this makes you feel light-hearted, then maybe its already the start of something magical, if not; lighten up, you, my friend are fore-armed!;-)

Adios amigo!:D