My Tryst with Destiny

हम हूमन्स भी ना बड़ी कुटी चीज़ हैं ; हमे अपनी ही कदर नहीं आती!

For once I am in the throes of extreme despondence - the quest for the meaning of life itself seems pointless, days stretch like an endless desert sprinkled sometimes with a chance interaction that all but turns out to one mirage after another. It is the adult equivalent of a 4 year old's "Does Santa really exist?"

Many have come and gone. Many have tried, and failed. Yet the quest for human survival endures. Why? 

Why do we exist? What is the purpose of our existence? What is it that defines us? That makes us? Breaks us? Wants us? Endures us? Wishes us? Desires us? And yet, in all that, does us apart? Rips the core right out of our being. Again and again and again.

Some say, wisely as some others note, that suffering is the core principle that binds us to humanity. Some others, much more wisely (if two wisenesses can be compared that is), say that nay, it humanity itself is no longer the domain of human beings - I Robot anyone? With just a pinch of Minority Report if you please! and Dinner is almost ready to be served. Real, piping hot, and vegetative!

Are we all dead? And what is this after all, just a tape playing somewhere? A la Wall-E? Or is it the Matrix we live in? Coz I definitely would mind being able to take off like Neo, once in a random while!

What is existence? Is it organic? like a creepy creeper? Coz that's exactly what we seem to be. Taking over the planet, imposing our norms on others - gender, caste, creed, religion, colour, species, no bar! So all gay guys (note guys and not men) are "effeminate" and all "blacks" are druggies??? Oh yeah and while we are at it, all "Chinks" are sluts and "LSR Chicks" lesbians! ::a guy once actually asked me to prove I wasn't!::

So in all this, "we are the epitome of survival" business, "we" don't deserve to be called a "WE" coz you know, there is no WE. There is you, the one blessed by the Lord himself, whether you are a film star or I don't know a NETA?, and there is, you know, the rest, the raind khaind, the bewkoof half-beings who need to be shepherded ::while you are privately snickering at their collective stupidness:: Memories of 'Animal Farm' anyone? Yet our stupidities, (mine included), aghast me! But more irritatingly, they leave me stumped! Are we that stupid? Really? Seriously???

Oh no, girls from good families don't get angry or sweat or slap. They don't rave or rant or express original opinions in words of their choice. No, no no no no no no. Not even if sitting across the table from a dickhead or walking behind a very vociferous "ab kal ka chokra mujhe sikhayega" aunty who promptly hits her child-servant for responding to a call on her phone which he was carrying while she was taking an "evening walk" in a freakin velvet tracksuit! ::word of unsolicited advice, if its too big for you to carry it around, don't get it - and I am referring to your phone, not your ass!!::. Here's another gem, "ache ghar ki ladki lagti ho, apni hadd mein raho", an erring 20 something BCA (Baap ke Cash pe Aish) brat gallingly said to me a few days back when I accosted him for breaking a traffic rule. No no, our biases, our notions of who should be what, is so deeply engrained in our being that we don't even realise when we become to sound exactly like who we sincerely believe we are not - "I am not a male chauvinist", "I am not a blood sucking capitalist", "I am not power-hungry", "I am not racist"....and on and on and on....But the worst of them all is, "I am not baised!" Well hello - we all are! We are the sum of our experiences and emotions. But that does not mean, we cannot play fair. That is why we have rules, and laws and standards. Test them, contest them, change them, but as long as they are there, don't SUPERSEDE them! And for the sake of sanity in a rapidly vapidly defunct world, recognize that you have your biases and I have mine but that does not mean we cannot agree to disagree. And oh yeah, while we are wishing, I do wish someone somewhere, by divine intervention or not, would once and for all, figure out the purpose of human existence! Its driving me mad thinking that we in all our stupidity and pettiness are allowed to exist but creatures as fine and noble as dragons and unicorns are not!!! One thing I do know though, it is not happiness or glory but freedom that I seek. Freedom to be, to not think, to jump - far, above, away, in short, to do just as I please or not do it if I don't please!

Anyway, I've picked the side I am on - the pen is mightier than the sword and the pen it is that I will wield to share the trappings of my tortured soul..Good night my dear friend, for dawn will bring another day, another tryst, another quest. Have a good one coz you never know when the shadows will recede and you want to be there, all bright and shiny and awake when they do!

Amen!