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This entry is dedicated to passwords - passwords forgotten, lost, confused and locked!!Passwords galore - most essential but all different, alphanumeric and "complicated" concoctions! Uff!!

One of the ironies of this "independent" age is extreme, overt and essential dependence on passwords! We are living in paranoialand and suffering from paronoidism - all in the name of privacy, freedom, and security even if it means going overboard! You need a password for your PC, your SIM card, your bank account, your email, any and everything except ya maybe people! But then again, we have those certain magic words that "unlock" smiles, tensions, problems and worries viz., "sorry", "please", "hi" and even ":-)";-))Just as new age man-machine interdependence teaches you patience when battling with locked accounts , and hones your memory skills when struggling with multiple logins!

Here's to passwords or if I may rephrase, "simsim words" - they are definitely "key" to unknown lands, messages and conversations!:-)

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life!

That's my fortune for the day in orkut!

I don't know who pens these down or creates the randomizer that displays them but somehow these messages have a way of reaching the core of my being and pulling out a

"is really this true" or even "how did they know!"!!

Most times, we tend to ignore, un-hear, un-read all things to do with fate or destiny. Afterall, its best to leave it to the big boss sitting up there;-) Janke kya mil jayega..

But once in a while, in a very rare while, there is is niggling, irritating, and recurring feeling that something is amiss and we seek answers. We lap up anything, any insight, any perspective, any gyan, any advice, any opportunity that comes our way. We feel scared, vulnerable and unable to think for ourselves - we just want to be told...

Is it a reality check we seek, is it genuine respect for the other person's opinion or is it a deep fear inside somewhere that we may not, do not always know the answers..

Its called being human!:-)

Today, this message gave me the "aha" moment I had been seeking - end of the day, our time here is limited. And that is the biggest perspective of all. Nothing you do is permanent, no good or bad is permanent. It shall all pass, it shall all be, it is never too late and it may be limited but it is yet not over!

End note - "Today I went for a walk in the forest, the deep dark dense foilage interuppted only by the quiet mumble of a stream flowing nearby and the hesitant hello of a bird somewhere. Maybe a hi wont hurt, maybe a smile will make the frog's day and maybe a little bit of humaneness is all that the world seeks from us..." - Just the 1st few lines I penned for a WIP piece of "perspective":-)

Where the mind is without fear

Yesterday, 3rd December 2008, marked a watershed in my understanding of India's history as a free nation. After a long time, the country felt, breathed and spoke free - this was the biggest mass mobilization of citizens across the country. India was free and yesterday was a reminder that it still is!

5:40 - I left office, heading towards the Gateway of India. This drive is not more than 30-40 mins on an average day.

6:00 - Mumbai traffic saw my enthusiasm fizzling out...phat..

6:30 - Still going strong; the traffic that is! However, having crossed the marine drive, I felt strangely energized...People were walking...In groups, in such large numbers, all headed in one direction - my direction!

6:40 - giving propriety a miss, I happily hopped out of the cab and started walking. And I was not alone:-)

7:00 - Reached regal, the road to gateway was crowded and further down barricaded by the police for safety reasons..It is exactly at this point that I realised something - cellphones were not working!!!!

Imagine a whole mass of people, imagine college, school and office-goers all united, all walking, sloganeering and demonstrating...Imagine the "my cell-phone is my life" generation stranded and stuck with failed calls, undelivered messages and imagine NO PANIC!! That sums it up...It was big, it was crowded, it was diverse, it was anger but it was peaceful...

That is the spirit of Mumbai..Infact, after I got back home and saw visuals of citizens across the country taking collective action voluntarily - I realized that is the spirit of India. WE STAND TOGETHER, even if we don't do it everyday and at every instance. Yesterday, I felt alive, uplifted and humbled...

End note - quoting one of my fave poets...

Where The Mind is Without Fear

WHERE the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

-Rabindranath Tagore

Anger, anguish and alarm - a wednesday comes true...

Terror - the latest breaking news..For the uninitiated, India had its own version of the 9/11, the 11/26 - a black, grey, blue whatever you wanna call it Wednesday..

Hostages, gunshots, firing, bombings, fear, anguish, despair, frantic phone-calls, empty streets - the works!! Among others, they targeted the poshest area in India - South Mumbai; the best luxury hotel - the Taj and the most happening of hangouts - Colaba Causeway. why?????? Why did we let them???? How could they????? The freaks, the filthy, vile, disgusting, cold-blooded, (actually make that bloodless!), inhuman creeps!!!!! We will run out of expletives but they will not cease to exist. Unfortunately, this is the real world and unfortunately we cannot wish them away. However, inhuman we think them to be, they are out there. Somewhere. Waiting to pounce, to enter our homes, ransack our heritage and mock our ethos. They come, without any demands, any logic, with a single-minded agenda - to terrorize! Do they not think? No. Do they not feel? Ha! Do they not care? I cant say - they seem to care about killing the right sorts - at least this time around they seemed to have a clear agenda of killing non-muslim foreigners.

Yet we persist, the "spirit" of Mumbai rebounds. Life is back, trains are crowded, people are scared - that's OK; they still go to work...The sad irony is that despite its rich culture, heritage and cosmopolitan culture, Mumbai is increasingly becoming a city where people just exist. "We come to work, not to live". "Mumbai is a great city to work in". "Mumbai is fantastic, it has all the top offices". But do you just want to exist? Do you just want to accept? Is it only work that defines who u are? Do you just want to be????

These are extraordinary times in world history; the common man can no longer get away with remaining common - he has to become, do and be "uncommon". Be aware, notice and raise your voice - how could 10 men load that kind of ammunition without not being noticed at all????

Scream - it helps and its good for your system!

Stop isolating yourself - man is a social animal, he is meant to be heard and to connect. Reach out to friends, family whenever possible. Not only will it fill your insides with a warm glow but will keep you updated on the goings on. How many people ventured out on Thursday unaware of the city situation. Its sad..

WAKE UP!!!!!!

Feel

Live

Breathe, and most importantly

REACT - don't take any shit lying down. Please become human beings Mumbai, not Zombies....Remember the movie, 'A Wednesday' - isn't it ironical that this happened on a Wednesday? isn't it ironical that we had another black Wednesday a few years ago? But beyond the self-evident terror link of things happening on Wednesdays, think...They think they can do this because they are not scared of unseen eyes, lots of them....its time to freak out the bloody freaks!!! Lets not be resilient for once, I m tired of this bravado. This time, lets make it count. This time, I choose to be me - I will connect, I will call, and I will inform. I choose to be prepared, be alert and be safe. I choose - to be human...Your call, u decide...

Baptism by Fire....

A tryst with Mumbai life - hands on!

OK here's an update - I still count myself as new to Mumbai! Now please don't give me the "i knew u were always a Dilliwali at heart" kind of look but here's y i think so - though I did move out of Delhi early last year and became a part of this hustling bustling city, I had so far led a v.sheltered life. To the extent that travelling extensively was not a necessity but a matter of choice, after a good 19 months in the city I feel strangely like-a-stranger. I daresay I was probably never a part of the true spirit of Mumbai - its lifeline, the locals!So far, so true..A flash of lightening, the earth shakes (with all the construction work currently being initiated, or WIP this cud very well b true!) and the city decides to adopt me, full on! Come November '09, post-Diwali-well-fed dilli-di-kudi has to seriously contemplate and be party to peak office-goers train travelling! Only one thing, trust me its nothing close to a 'party'!! But economics warrants it, kya karein...That's y I like this subject so much - I mean how many physicists,chemists,engineers, CAs, or even doctors can honestly say "because 'respective subject name' warrants it";P But as an Economist, there's lots out there that can be spoken of in my lingo - in fact I honestly believe, eco is actually the subject of life in disguise!! But that's a digression that train-travelling has left me too exhausted to get into!!!!!!!

updates 2 follow...

yours getting-used-to-it,

Hello to The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night Time!

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai

Ki aisa hota toh kaisa hota, waisa hota toh kaisa hota;

Phir yeh sooch ke samajh tham jati hai

Ki jaisa hai woh bhi ka possiblities se kam hai!

The recent financial crisis is well-documented, discussed, debated, tiraded against - but does that make it go away?

Similarly flop actors, innane songs and mindless direction coming together with a "supposed" hit formula - does that a movie make?

Apparently so..U C, you and me, we dont know anything! The pros (let alone the fact that a shirtless sallu now looks haggard, old and overdone piece of beefcake rather than the 20-30 something dude hez supposed to be looking like) know it all bhai! Viewer gaya bhad mein - ek train-journey-time-pass book le lenge, 1980s inspired animal prints ek "lead" actress ko pehna denge (n the poor thing has actually managed a decent performance but the outfits kill it!!), aur thoda item numbers daal denge (however mindless, misplaced and stupid they sound), jazz up the whole thing - yeh toh hit hai!!

Badhiya hai!!

In this era of a global+vocal Indian, has bollywood lost its thinking cap somewhere on those overdone over-the-top dance numbers that they so many pains to design and implement but forget one key element - mostly these are not required!!!!!!!

Why do we undermine the importance of simplicity?

Or why do we assume that a hit book will make a hit movie?

Arnt we pulling a ass-u-(and)-me by doing so??

Full marks to Chetan Bhagat for creating a popular and immensely enjoyable(to most) book; also to the cute devil (he made me smile:-)) and Isha Koppikar for trying to make the story stick...but unfortunately it doesnt...It cant! Not if the thinking, expressive intelligent Indian has any say in what makes a hit..Look at "A Wednesday" - we need human stories that make some sense at some point in the movie or other....

Sometimes I wish we had a customer feedback after a movie - just like most people are rated on their "does he/she fulfill customer satisfaction" metrics...Unfortunately, in bollywood, customer aka. viewer is not king...No one asks please give suggestions on how to make your expeirence worthwhile and worththe moolah you had to shell out!!

Makes one want to curl up with a book like "the curious incident of the do in the night - time" - a brilliant piece of wrk i must say, and banish all the bollywood monsters to eternal flopdom - oof with their works!!!

Kash aisa bhi hota...

Yours disgruntled....

Its Magic...

One moves on...Suddenly one fine day, one remembers...a la, its all coming back to me! Memory all wide-awake, one wonders "what happened there?", "where is he?", "did beauty find her beau?","did d geek manage to get cinderella?"...So many questions ::sigh::

Old friends, long pushed to the recesses of one's memory suddenly come alive - chattering, fighting, screaming, shouting, in school uniforms or college jholas, pre/post pre-makeup/ visiting-parlours-days...and one keeps wondering...

Then baam - a blast from the past - Its an FB/orkut alert!She's back - asking to be friends, that bully from the playground, that guy who broke Gulati uncle's window and its back to business:-)

That first rush of finding old friends - that's magic...That first scrap of how have you been - when answered, that's magic...That old friend - after 30 years of being out of touch - finding her online, meeting her, sharing new memories - that's magic....

Ok so I am not 30 and thus cant have met a friend 30 years later..So what...This post isn't about me, this is for all those who find friends - old and new, online! Especially old ones, coz in the flow of life we are constantly making new ones in any case;-))

Its pure magic....Even its not perfect; the past and its connections - They are the present's present and that makes the present most special of them all (i meant tenses, what were u thinking?:P)

"That was awesome...it's like magic when you get that click just right!" ::with slight modifications to Mr. Calvin's wisdom:-)::

To be or not to be....

Truth is the forebringer of change and change is the ultimate truth. Why then are we in constant denial?
Denial is the ultimate non-acceptance of both change and truth...

Just some random thoughts:-)

Its All About Money, Honey!

Work is worship, time is money, these days - work is time and worship is money! But this ones not about changing attitudes, preferences and lifestyles, its about...well, read on!

Why is money so important? is it a physical attachment to the Gandhi or is it what it can do for us? To put it differently, is money about money itself or is it about something deeper?

Hmm, too many questions! Lets get cracking!!

Firstly, it is important to recognize that money is the means to an end. The end could be as simplistic as wanting to hoard money for its own intrinsic worth or it could be as the means to future purchasing power. Note that in both cases, it seems to have one thing in common - Power. Aha, my fave topic; back again;-)

More fundamentally, why then do we need to feel powerful? Is it about the recognition and related social perks that come with it? or is it about a personal sense of self-worth? or is it simply about "the survival of the fittest"??

More questions!! This is becoming a vicious circle! Dammit!!

But we shall persevere..

If you notice, social benefits as well as self-worth are feelings. And feelings derive from a more primal need - the need to survive. The sense of well-being, happiness or alternatively of apprehension, fear are linked to our immediate environment. If one feels secure and safe, at a fundamental level that can ensure some degree of happiness. So man seems to be fundamentally about survival and feelings seem to be some sort of internal mechanism (or intuition, or subconscious) to tell us how survivable is the current situation.. This is an interesting point and we shall delve into it, at length, later. But for the topic under discussion - Bingo! It all seems to boil down to survival!!

It is this primitive need to ensure survival that then governs ours actions..And "Power" or a show of power seems to be the means to do this! Often, we talk about crimes against women - to the bra-burning brigade, females are victims of the male ego..History has not helped this natural conclusion with religion, societal norms and customs all pitching in for the ultimate dominance of the "man" aka the male..However, per my understanding, this notion is a bit flawed. This is not to say that the feminists are wrong - of course women have been subjugated, and still are. This is only to say that their lens is narrow - all that is "weak" is subjugated. Its also children, the economically poor, even animals! Man will subjugate anyone and anything he can - to assert and establish his power. This then is about mass victimization, not just the 50% of the population that most intelligentsia limits its pro-women debates and discussion to. Pause. This is a very powerful idea - you can easily choose to not be the victim! If you are powerful enough, then you will not and cannot be subjugated! Unfortunately, its a bit Utopian! You see, the fundamental root may be power and unfixing the notion of power with physical or mental attributes may allow for some sanity to prevail over the long term, however, this need for power will always need a vehicle.. In the new age, this seems to be money..And the cycle will continue as long as mankind is power-hungry. Since the need for power stems from a primitive need for survival, unfortunately knowing this does not help since we will always end up finding a substitute to ensure subjugation - of someone, somewhere! After all, its an ingrained need..God save the aliens!!

Luckily, man has not yet perfected the means to ensure immortality and we are here for but a few years, max a few 100! Before chaos erupts, we will all hopefully be not around. After all, "in the long run we are all dead!"

cheers!;-)

Sounds Fishy, Feels Funny!

Just another manic monday - well, since its nearly over in some parts of the world, it wont pay to be profane!!

Have you ever felt full? - well I don't mean an after-a-7-course-meal kinda full, just full? Lemme explain...As a first step, fullness just like fishiness seems to be at a fundamental level a state of mind. A general "feeling" of satiety. With satiety comes a general ennui, feeling of sloth, boredom and so on..So then, fullness can (per my understanding) refer to a general feeling of having taken in too much - either physically or mentally. Physically, its probably an easy concept to grab, just think of Joey, hez never full! I mean, how many of us have not hogged to the point of ::ahem:: at some point in time or the other;-) Thus, here I will devote my energies towards mental "fullness". Let me start with an example, remember Dombledore's pensieve in the Happy Potter series (was it 4 or 5? - my memory seems a bit rusty)? He uses it to store "thoughts" when he's feeling too full! The world of wizardry does seem quite sane in some such practical invention suggestions - any AI guys reading this????

But we digress..

So mental fullness is to me, a state of mind when one really is feeling quite full, thank you very much, to the extent of finding it difficult to engage in any intellectual debate or discussion in any meaningful capacity. This state is akin to refusing dessert when one is really literally quite full after a meal!

This brings us to a second question - how scientifically valid is this "state of mind". I mean, is it actually true satiation or is it a perception? The irony is in the definition itself!!

In any case, the feeling cannot, by definition, be permanent - despite the lack of pensieves in the muggle world! Come on, think about it, you really cant be so full of feeling/thoughts/emotions yada yada yada that you don't want to do anything additional?

My advice - on those days when feeling too full, take a rain-check;-) Take a break, go for a walk, yap with friends, bug some close ones with utter gibberish! And "manic" monday becomes another day to celebrate!

Such is life - you see we cannot afford to be full, not till the end! so its carpe diem!!

yours feeling-emptier,

:-)

Anamika......

How do I start this - ok, lemme try. I have a confession to make - i have not been reading ::Gasp, Horror!!::

Well, not "no reading" exactly, but just no "me reading"...know what I mean?

I'll explain - most of us like to pursue some leisure activity, right? Its part of being human, de-stressing, yada yada yada. Well, till a few months ago, mine used to be reading - yup, I was one one of those who used to read for pleasure ::sigh....::

Woh bhi din the. But fast-forward to the present, and after a day spent reading reports, research papers, IMF documents, FT, and more reports, somehow I seem to have lost the enthu for reading beyond work. Somewhere, in all those reports, lies a "illuminatus triology" half-forgotten, a "history of the world" unstarted and in-numerous Vikram Seths, Agatha Cristies, and Joanna Harrises unfinished. The last book I started was "Sisterhood of travelling pants" and I have yet to progree beyond the 1st chapter! Per my facebook bookshelf I am currently in the process of reading atleast 6 different books - I dont know how!

To be honest, the last book I read was Sayed Mirza's "Ammi-letters to a democratic mother" but it was only thanks to an extended long break at home that I think I managed to do so.

So what is it that makes us lose touch with hobbies/activities infact even people, places that at one point in time we saw as crucial to making/defining us. Is it plain ennui, or is it a sheer reluctance to push ourselves? I mean, you can take it easy since its only you who is going to know it in any case! what is it?

I dont know...but I would like to know...

Laziness seems too simplistic. The other standard fave is "lack of time". However given that I've had weekends in the past few months wherein I have literally forced myself to go out or watch TV or whatever, naaaaaaaaaaaah. I mean my motto has always been "read whatever possible, even if its 2 lines!" One of my personal faves is "saturation" - u know you tend to read so much as a part of your daily routine that by the end of the day/week when u think its your "me" time or zone-out time, u've literally had enuf! But saturated at 26 - take a hike lady, that is so not gonna pass the litmus;-))

Ok, here's a last attempt, but probably they dont make them good any longer! I mean what in recent years can compare to the pathos and drama of "The tale of 2 cities", or the intense pain in "MacBeth" or the magic and wonderment in "Alice in wonderland..."? call me old-fashioned but I m pretty sure the new-age aficionados will be screaming "off with her head"!

Hmmmm...m stuck!

Lost!

Confused! ::again????::

till later...

P.S. The title holds coz i dint knw what 2 call this one - "Anamika" translates into "without a name":D:D haha gotcha!!

P.P.S. I just realized that I have of reading to catch up on apart from all the writing that I need to pen down! M totally screwed man!! Bhagwan, please bachao!!!

The stereotyping of a typically-reluctant-non-vegetarian!

Ladies and gentlemen (as a young girl I always used to spoof this as general-men but that's a digression that warrants a stand-alone entry!:D), this is the story of a boy and a girl - actually some 2 boys and 3 girls and a typically academic discussion. For most occasions, the group under consideration loves food - eating, talking, cooking, talking, debating, talking, sharing, talking (u get the general drift) FOOD. Infact, food is such a universal conversation-"starter" that it is the only true competitor to the weather and bollywood(? !! ahem!). No wonder some of the best chef designed experiments are called "starters" - probably they are referring to loud/subtle but in any case vocal verdicts/debates/discusssions. However, unfortunately this entry is not about food (sigh, i do have a lot of catch-up-on-my-writing to do but promise loads on food later:D). This one is about stereotypes!!

What is a stereotype? Walter Lippmann answered this question metaphorically by calling a stereotype a "picture in our heads" typically about people based on certain common characteristics....(italics mine) To extend the definition further, one could theretically have stereotypes about places, cultures, books, etc coz its just another form of categorization - though I could not find any evidence of this in literature, however, it sounds possible logically - "a typical pagan culture", "a typical quaint-little irish town" and so on. Please note that I am no expert on the topic and speak only from my limited knowledge and reading. However, in the big-picture context, sterotyping is an extremely simplistic way of profiling people across disciplines - beyond the obvious examples, econometrics uses demographic profiling to generate results based on representative sample-sets, advertisments are simplistic expansion-oriented tools based on demand projections again from target audience sets..Nice, vairy vairy nice. Also extremely convenient to bucket people and use the "common" charateristics for "uncommon" good;-)

Unfortunately, does that not make all of us conformists? I mean, by moving from individuals to sterotypes to groups, as rational thinking beings, do we necessarily want to conform? all of us? as someone else chooses to define us? Think about it, its a bit scary. But more importantly it proves a bigger point - man is a social animal. We all like to belong - even though we may be the "typical rebels"!!:D:D

Therefore, I may scream from my roof-top about my lack of deep deep love for non-veg, when it comes to eating I choose to conform to a stereotype - that of a non-vegetarian who can happily cross over to the other side yet is reluctant to do so...

still confused,

the reluctant you-know-what by now!

red red red!!

Today, the 19th of June, 2008 will always be a watershed in the life and times of the centre of my universe - me!

This day is about broken promises (dont get me started on how that happened!), scraped chins (sigh, details follow...) and red nail paint!! Yes, u red it right!

So the day starts late (thanks to the new fever bug that's painting the town red) which translated into taking an completely unscheduled off. Midway between noon and afternoon, yours truly ties to experiment with her looks - nothing wrong with them but they just happen to be the same everytime she looks in the mirror....well, before you know it, a fall on the very faithful pumice stone results in (u guessed it right), a scraped chin??? who on earth manages to do that!!!

so its Mr. Band-it to the rescue! Thank God for those...And though I honestly believe that it the second-most useful thing man ever created - right after the safety pins, still one of the chin???::bo ho ho::....but let me not digress here...so, there is band-aid on my once regular looking face...and a party to goto tonight! For a girl looking forward to a party, this is right up on top of that list of pre-party disasters...its much worse that the burnt outfit, broken heel yada yada yada - get my drift....

kya karein?

jana toh hai...plus its all in the mind:-(((

But thank God for distractions - so we decide to go paint the town red literally.. This involves a careful process of selection of nail colour, lip colour, and the works all with one single theme in mind - its RED!

Wish me luck, and please do pray for my poor chin which lies unattended, ignored, and morose in its banditised band-aid world...

endings and new beginnings

Wow- 4 years just flew by (well nearly 4 if u want 2 be technical about this!) and here i am again. dont knw hw 2 get started, not sure y i stopped but this one isnt about regrets but catching up. So rogue (cloakroom.blogspot.com), chez(cheshirememoirs.blogspot.com) and some old frens are no longer active - as far as i can google...but i have miles 2 go before i sleep and hopefully am back for keeps:-)

Lets start with what is new - social networking is the way to be...facebook is the new God and orkut, the old demigod. Bush is headed out - finally! Oil is nearly $140/bbl or has it touched a new peak in the last 3 hours???? sex and the city is now a movie, "serious" cricket is 20 overs looooong, Kareena is the new face of bollyglam and one can no longer use a yahoo account to log into this place!!!

However, some things never change - AB baby is still hot (check out the direct camera se ankh milana in Sarkar Raj if you dont believe me), India still swears by cricket - albeit in a newer avatar, and the US still swears againt Iraq - remember the "we will smoke dem out"....!

and most importantly, in the cosmic scale of things we are still a dot!!

Which brings us to fundamental irony - we dont count as far as the universe goes, but yet we are all about "I my me mine ours us" - in short we are the center of our own universe! this is point blank scary - its like saying that whatever you do, whatever you say doesnt count and yet in our delusional reality, we seem to matter - a lot!

which is probably one reason y i am back on this ego trip - thinking it counts:D

2004 - a 22 year old started blogging, bas yun hi, to express herself

2008 - a 26 year old returns, bas yun hi, to find herself...